The Lawmaker said the idea of “Allah” as Arabic for “God” had overtaxed her patience and ought to be taxed.
Rep. Dorcas Farkas, (R-Ga.) has introduced a bill that would deny tax-exempt status or any other official recognition of status as a religious entity to organizations that use any word other than “God” for their deities, in particular the use of “Allah” as Arabic for “God.”
“These Mohammedan people are working my last nerve with all this ‘Allah’ crap,” Farkas said. “It’s not the same God as the Christian God. They don’t accept the Bible like we do, and they don’t believe in the Trinity. It’s another God, like Shinto or Tay-o.”
Rep. Chris Shammas, (R-Pa.) objected to the bill, explaining that he is Lebanese and of the Eastern Orthodox Christian faith. He said ‘Allah’ is merely the Arabic word for ‘God’ and is routinely used in Arab parishes. Rep. Sam Dafoura (D-Conn.) concurred, explaining that he belongs to a small Palestinian Baptist congregation that still uses some Arabic in its services.
Farkas expressed impatience with the argument.
“The garlic-nibbler caucus keeps telling me those churches over there have said since the get-go that they and the Mohammedans are talking about two different views of the same God,” Farkas said, “but that idea went out the window when Martin Luther nailed his feces to the door.”
Dafoura then read the Biblical account of creation in Arabic from the floor of the House, to which Farkas responded with a motion of censure for blasphemy.
Farkas said there is “no such thing as a Palestinian anyway,” and was ruled out of order for demanding that a vacant seat not be allowed to address the House.
Farkas also demanded that Shammas stop identifying as an Arab.
“For goodness’ sake, he’s an immigrant. He practically just got off the boat from Lebanon,” Farkas said. “Arab? Who does he think he’s fooling?”
She also complained that Shammas “still talks funny sometimes. The other day he called me ‘the Georgia bitch,’ which is how those people pronounce ‘peach.’”
Rep. Sanford Shapiro, (D-Md.) who is Jewish, objected to the bill on the grounds that Jews also do not believe in the Trinity but have the same God as Christians.
Farkas said she would let Shapiro off this time but that she would have her eye on him from now on.
“Sandy raised a point that I was broadminded enough to overlook for the sake of Brother Netanyahu and our other friends in the land where Jesus walked,” Farkas said, “but if he’s going to be all pissy about this, I’ll might have to touch him up a little bit about that ‘Yahweh’ crap or not saying ‘God’ at all unless you want to get flamed from heaven or something. Speaking of which, “God, God, God, God, God.”
Farkas said she had researched the matter and that the Jews’ adoption of Yiddish in the diaspora had allowed her a loophole.
“You see, once the Jews advanced as a people enough to start speaking Yiddish, they learned how to call God ‘Gott,’ and we’re not going to hold it against people if they can’t spell real good,” Farkas said. “And of course it can’t be easy to distill a real word out of that ass-backwards chicken-scratching the Yiddish people call an alphabet. We need to be tolerant while they adjust to the modern world.”
She also said she could overlook non-Trinitarian beliefs in the case of Jews.
“It’s just ignorance,” Farkas said. “They don’t do it on purpose like the towel-heads.”
Farkas said the prohibitions in the bill were broader than she would have preferred.
“I know some people don’t know any better,” Farkas said. “Personally, it’s OK with me if that beautiful boy who cleans my pool wants to call the Lord ‘dee-os’ or if that bronze young darling in that restaurant in Savannah wants to yell ‘moan doo’ when he burns his finger on a flaming dessert. The main thing is to shut up these #@%! Ay-rab people, but we can’t just single them out. That would be discrimination.”
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