[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Lauds GOP Pol Mark Robinson as “MLK on Steroids”

Mark Robinson is greater than MLK, proclaims the “world’s biggest expert on MLK,” as Trump refers to himself.

Despite the North Carolina Republican gubernatorial candidate’s long, colorful history of crude comments on religion, the LGBTQ community, and victims of sexual abuse, Lt. Governor Mark Robinson was pegged by former President Donald J. Trump as “Martin Luther King on steroids.”

Mark RobinsonSpeaking at a campaign rally Monday at the Caucasian Conservative Coalition in Greensboro, N. Carolina, Trump ordained Robinson as the successor “in any meaningful way” to the civil rights icon.

Robinson is no stranger to controversy.

“Yeah,” said his wife of 40 years Eloise, contacted at the women’s lockup in Winston-Salem, “he done got his dick in a wringer before this and he will again.”

In 2021 he was pilloried by Gay Rights activists for saying, at a whites-only summit in Raleigh, that, “There’s no reason anybody anywhere in America should be telling any child about transgenderism, homosexuality, any of that filth.”

In response to outrage from critics, his son went on to say he would “fight for” the LGBTQ community and their “right to not exist.”

“Nobody wants to be a freakin’ fairy,” said the Lt. Governor, “so we should respect their rights to remain cloistered from public view.” Robinson’s remarks drew plaudits from the Moral Majority and from Franklin Graham, revivalist and CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, which is based in N. Carolina.

“Robinson,” remarked Franklin Graham to the polite applause of his congregation on Sunday, “is the white man’s nigra!”

In the past, the pastor’s son has also criticized members of the LGBTQ community as being “a stepping stone away” from pedophilia and has excoriated survivors of school shootings for promoting firearms restrictions.

“How many people die a year in school shootins’,” he asked rhetorically. “Because we got a few hunnerds, they wanna take away our guns. Ain’t nothin’. We ha’ more dead from heart attacks per year than gun deaths. Whatta, they wanna take away our hearts now, too? Confiscate our chitlins and Big Macs?”

“Not all deaths caused by guns,” he added, reminding those gathered of Henry Louis Wallace, N. Carolina’s most infamous killer. Christened the Taco Bell Murderer, Wallace murdered at least 9 young Black women in the 1990s, principally through manual strangulation.

“Henry, he got it goin’ on,” said Robinson, effecting a gangsta idiom. “But he kept it within his own culture; he was a good boy.”

Bill Tope