Hunter Biden and Tim Walz hope their new IT line will help attract young men back to the Democratic Party.
Hunter Biden and Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, the 2024 Democratic vice-presidential nominee, announced yesterday that they intend to market a new line of inexpensive computers called Hunters’ Laptops that will appeal to young men, a demographic that increasingly is deserting the Democratic Party.
“The placement of the apostrophe is not an error, because we have two mighty hunters in the Democratic Party,” a company spokesperson said. “Hunter Biden’s achievements are well known, and the nation will never forget Gov. Walz’s famous hunting video that nearly snatched victory from the jaws of defeat last November despite the total breakdown of democracy in all fifty states.”
The company’s effort to reverse the exodus of young men from the Democratic Party is inspired by an ancient legend, the spokesperson said:
“The Book of Genesis tells us of Nimrod the mighty hunter, and we are confident that Hunter Biden and Tim Walz are preeminent Nimrods who can appeal to the Nimrod in every young American male.”
The spokesperson said the company’s products would project a manly image via a camouflage paint scheme, and that Biden and Walz would take an active role as figures worthy of young male emulation.
“The indelible image of Gov. Walz on his hunting expedition is a vigorous evocation of the exploits and values of Elmer Fudd, a man who never gives up,” the spokesperson said, “and in Hunter Biden we see the perfect role model for young men who aspire to engage in kinky intercourse with Slavic whores.”
Preliminary publicity materials tout Hunters’ Laptops as the most secure computers on the market, claiming that “[e]very aspect of security for these products will be inspected by 51 intelligence experts who have done excellent work for the Biden family in the past.”
Promotional literature gives the company slogan as “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness,” an expression the company says was conceived by Biden’s father, the late President Joe Biden, 82.
The spokesperson said the first 500 units will sell for a special promotional price of $87 in honor of “four score and seven,” another expression coined by Joe Biden.
The company denied reports by the New York Post that Hunter Biden and Tim Walz were launching a new line of products called Hunters’ Laptops. In-house security experts said the stories were “Russian disinformation.”
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