[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

ISIS and Boku Haram to Sue USA for Violating Religious Freedom

Move follows Indiana and Arkansas ‘Right to Discriminate’ anti-gay ‘religious freedom’ legislation.

MOSUL, IRAQ – Knife-wielding ISIS spokesman Jihadi John announced today that his organization and Nigeria’s Boku Haram had filed a complaint against the USA in the International Court at The Hague, under the U.N.’s World Religious Freedom Resolution (1977).

JIHADI JOHN, Mike Pence, Religious FreedomThe petitioners’ grievance alleges numerous breaches of their religious liberty and attacks on the free practice of their sincerely held beliefs. They cite in support the recent passage of the Religious Freedom and Restorations Act (RFRA) in Indiana and Arkansas, legalizing discrimination against gays and lesbians on religious grounds.

Similarly, John said, America’s bombing war in Syria was “a de facto infringement of our religious freedom. Can you imagine how difficult it is to bow to Mecca five times a day with bombs dropping all around you, not to mention keeping your prayer mats clean? So naturally we support governors Mike Pence and Asa Hutchinson, who are also under attack by the same secular Satanists.”

“After all,” John continued reasonably, “we are only trying to protect our right to believe whatever dangerous and vicious nonsense we like, just like Pence and Hutchinson.” He noted that front-running GOP presidential candidates Ted Cruz and Rick Santorum had also enthusiastically endorsed the measure, along with “dozens and even hundreds” of American citizens.

John pointed out that all ISIS and Boku Haram were doing was discriminate with theological justification against its own infidels, like the Kurds and Yazidis, who were, he noted, “no better than the limp-wristed. homonazis and sodomofascists Pence and Hutchinson have, well,” he hesitated, “cut off. “

“Same principle, different approach,” he clarified. “We recognize the Ayatollah in them both.”

John went on to note that “American evangelicals and ISIS are basically on the same page. Their actions are appropriate for their circumstances, as are ours. Like Mr Pence said on Sunday, tolerance is a two-way street. Can anyone say America is showing the slightest tolerance towards us?”

John added that ISIS’s Nigerian ally and co-petitioner, Boku Haram, was also merely “an African version of your southern Christian school boards.” He observed that “Bible-belt Americans don’t want their children educated in liberal values, and neither do we.

“Boku Haram closes down the schools, removes the students and provides them with the Koran. Your southern folk simply remove the text books and replace them with the Bible. We don’t see a difference. The intent and effect are the same.”

Jihadi John wound up by remarking that a time could well come when President Ted Cruz and the Islamic Caliphate collaborated internationally.

“After all, we both represent fundamentally the same thing,” he said.

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Michael Egan
Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it. Check out his website, Editorial and Political Cartoons.