[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Ivanka’s Contingency Plan for Husband Jared Kushner Revealed

Ivanka Trump Kushner: Taking care of her man

A source in Ivanka Trump Kushner’s staff has leaked secret arrangements, showing that Ivanka is preparing for all contingencies, now that the negotiations between her husband and the Russians have surfaced.

Kushner, IvankaShe made a person to person phone call to Giorgio Armani giving him her husband’s measurements for what she told her staff was a surprise custom made anniversary tuxedo. However, a staff member who was dropping off Ivanka’s daily mail noticed the sketches for orange jumpsuits sent by Armani that were on her laptop.

This staff member, who also opens what is referred to as Ivanka’s fan mail, recalls opening a letter from the head administrator at Leavenworth thanking Ivanka for her large donation for the building of luxurious suites for inmates’ conjugal visits.

Secret service broke into Ivanka’s office last night when they heard music filtering into the hall only to find a red-eyed Ivanka at her desk behind a stack of used Kleenex singing along with Patsy Kline to “Stand by Your Man.”

This all comes on the heels of a new intelligence report that recorded a brief message from Ivanka to Julian Assange, asking how much room there was in the Ecuadorian embassy.

Diane de Anda