[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Chicken or the Egg: Two Chickens Sunny Side Up

Liberty University renames the egg in response to “chicken or the egg” controversy.

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY, LYNCHBURG, VA — Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University has made a decision respecting their fundamental belief that life begins at conception.

chicken or the eggThe Food Court at Reber-Thomas, the school’s main dining hall, has several dining stations that offer different food choices.

The Breakfast Station, which formerly offered various “egg” dishes, has renamed the “egg’ offerings. All egg plates are now listed as chicken plates.

For example, now offered are Chicken Omelets, Scrambled Chickens and Chickens Sunny-side up.

The International Station, which offers Chinese cuisine, initially was going to rename its Egg Drop soup to Chicken Drop Soup, until it was pointed out that the decision may be compromised because of how close Chicken Drop and ‘chicken droppings’ were – and that the many foreign students may not have differentiated between the two entities. The Station has decided to limit its soup offerings to Wonton Soup and Sweet and Sour Soup for now.

The head dietician and chef explained that in a long meeting this past week between the campus Vice President of Auxiliary Services and Senior Vice President for Spiritual Development, instigated because of Alabama’s new abortion law that respected the Christian dogma that life begins at conception, we looked at the age old question — “which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

According to a spokesman for Auxiliary Services, the question, which originated in the office of Spiritual Development, was finally handed over to the Executive Leadership and a decision was made to acknowledge the fact that there is no distinction between an egg and a chicken “if we are to be true to scriptures.”

Because of the problem that faced the several stations at the Food Court that previously served Egg Salad Sandwiches and Fried Egg Sandwiches, the spokesperson said, “changing the food item name to “Chicken Salad Sandwich and Fried Chicken Sandwich presented a problem because of the obvious confusion with existing offerings.”

A long term solution has not yet been arrived at, but for the short term, Egg Salad Platters and Egg Salad Sandwiches and Fried Egg Sandwiches have been deleted from the menu, and will remain off the menu until a final decision is arrived at on how to readjust the menu to reflect the University’s beliefs.

The dietary revision will also be honored by other dining options across the campus.

Joel Goodman
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