The author’s pandemic diary — from early on into 2024!
Day 16
Hey, this isn’t so bad, right? Yeah, I had to shut down my shop All Things Avocado but it was getting kind of crazy-busy so I’m OK with an involuntary sabbatical. Lots of sleep, tons of books and chillin’ with Netflix. What’s not to like?
Day 34
Starting to get a bit antsy. Rent is due and there’s no money coming in. Oh, well, I’ve got three credit cards I can max out and presumably we’ll be back to some kind of neo-normal within a few weeks.
Day 57
This is getting a little scary. They say that things are going to open up a bit except for non-essential stores. In my view, avocados are essential but apparently the authorities are of a different mind.
Day 78
Almost ran out of wine and beer. Luckily, I stocked up early on toilet paper and hand sanitizer so was able to sell off part of my large supply to finance a replenishment trip to the liquor store. Should be good for at least a couple of weeks.
Day 93
All out of alcohol but still have lots of rotting fruit and avocados. Turn basement toilet into prison-style still and wait for fermentation to do its job. Backyard now full of dandelions which suggests I might want to start making my own homemade wine.
Day 100
It’s the hundred-day anniversary of the pandemic and it’s also my birthday. Didn’t think we’d still be social distancing at this point but I guess it’s going to take longer than anyone thought. Anyway, I baked myself a small birthday cake. No white flour left so I used leftover quinoa flour I found behind the stove.
Day 102
Still feeling horrible. Don’t think it’s COVID-19 since I don’t have a fever or trouble breathing. Most likely food poisoning from that quinoa flour. Dark flecks probably not seeds but instead tiny mouse droppings.
Day 213
Getting really hungry. Not much left in the freezer section of the fridge but I’m going to thaw out the package of frozen Brussels sprouts even though the expiry date has long since passed. Sure would like to have an avocado or two.
Day 378
Glad I didn’t get rid of that pellet gun I had as a kid. I’ve been trying my luck shooting squirrels in the backyard. The pellets mostly just bounce off the squirrels although I did stun one and was able to Google “squirrel stew.” Not surprisingly, it tastes like chicken.
Day 556
President Trump announces that the 2020 election continues to be delayed thanks to those “crazy Dems.” He promises that once we have at least half a dozen effective vaccines, he’ll start planning for an election with in-person voting although if things go on much longer, he points out that it might just be easier to wait until 2024.
Day 666
It’s the number of the Beast, the mark of the Devil and a sign of the End Times. I am now dressed in loincloth and taking my pellet gun with me whenever I go to the grocery store. Masks now cover the eyes rather than the mouth as we forage and fight amongst ourselves in the frozen food section. Have not seen fresh avocados for months now.
Day 1600
2024 has come and gone but we have survived the pandemic. Emperor Trump assures us that America will rebound immediately and announces the commencement of Democratic gladiator contests in full stadiums across the land. On a personal note, he has assured me that there will be avocados again. All hail Emperor Trump.
- The Proud Boys’ Letter to President Trump - January 8, 2021
- Betting on Trump - January 6, 2021
- Melania Trump’s Christmas Letter - December 23, 2020
