[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Reportedly ‘Inspecting Bunker’ after Iranian Murder Warrant Issued

The feared Slobovian Secret Service is set to execute a recently-issued Iranian murder warrant.

Part of the continuing series, Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network).

Iranian murder warrant on TrumpIranian government officials and law enforcement entities have enlisted the left arm of The Slobovian Secret Service (licensed to Schitte) to arrest United States President Donald Trump on a recently-issued Iranian murder warrant.

Iran claims that Trump issued the orders to kill a legendary Iranian terrorist and high ranking General. Iran first approached such international law enforcement agencies as Interpol, Smersh, The Texas Rangers and Barney Fife about executing the warrant, but all declined.

The Slobovian Secret Service operation will be headed by legendary agent Dr. Schitta Nofinger.

While not giving any specific details, Dr. Nofinger said that in order to access Mr. Trump she would look at the following options:

  • Disguising herself as Joe Biden and challenging Mr. Trump to a debate.
  • Disguising herself as a KFC delivery boy and arresting Mr. Trump as he munched.
  • Disguising herself as Kim Jong-Un and challenging Mr. Trump to a game of ping-pong.
  • Seducing Mr. Trump and arresting him during his post-sex nap.
  • Executing a “No Schitte” warrant… blowing up Washington D.C. and sorting out the ashes.

Dr. Nofinger stated that she expects to have Mr. Trump in custody before the November U.S. elections.

Ted Holland