Anti-hate law would protect President Trump from criticism.
Senate Republicans have proposed sweeping anti-hate legislation in a new bill that makes it a crime to hurt President Trump’s feelings.
“As with many stable genius’, the President is a very sensitive and vulnerable individual,” explained Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell, “Making him feel embarrassed is not only unpatriotic, it’s bad for our country as well. Under those conditions, how can he possibly make the intelligent and responsible decisions that are required of him? Imagine how you’d feel if someone criticized you for simply doing your job!”
“Our current health crisis is a good example of the dangers associated with unfettered criticism of the President,” he continued, “The coronavirus pandemic is obviously the fault of all those liberal elitist smartass scientists who don’t like him. After all, they’re the ones who named it the novel coronavirus in the first place, and it’s common knowledge that President Trump never wastes his time reading books of any kind, let alone novels. So while he’s completely blameless for this crisis, the fake news media continues to question his leadership skills, and refuses to acknowledge the great job he’s been doing. Such shameful behavior endangers the entire country.”
“The fact of the matter is, when the President was finally told about COVID-19 he immediately sprang into action, summoning his official presidential DVD player. And he was absolutely livid that he hadn’t been informed about the previous 18 COVIDs.”
The massive 666 page Republican bill specifically prohibits anyone from disagreeing with President Trump, or correcting him, contradicting him, embarrassing him, making him look bad, hurting his feelings, cramping his style, stealing his thunder, raining on his parade, giving him the business, yanking his chain, rattling his cage, being a smarty pants, acting like a wisenheimer… and so on and so forth.
“It’s a shame that the President has had to suffer so greatly over these past three and a half years,” McConnell concluded, “and it’s time to eliminate such hateful and hurtful rhetoric. And on that very important point my Republican colleagues and I all have agreed.”
- This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Presidential Tantrump - November 17, 2020
- This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Surrounding the Coroner - November 2, 2020
- Trump’s “Jeers of a Clown” - October 23, 2020