[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Vice President Kamala Harris Unveils Plan to End Immigrant Border Crisis Forever

The Biden administration has a plan to solve the border crisis once and for all.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Upon returning from her much-heralded trip to Mexico and Central America, Vice President Kamala Harris unveiled the Biden administration’s plan to solve the immigrant border crisis once and for all.

border crisis, Fargo
Some lucky Mexican immigrants will get to relocate to sunny Fargo.

The plan and its implementation has been dubbed “Operation Vamoose.” Under Operation Vamoose, every person in Mexico and Central America will be systematically relocated to cities in the United States over the next two years.

People in Mexico will be relocated to Los Angeles, California, Boston, Massachusetts and Fargo, North Dakota.

The entire country of Guatemala will move to Philadelphia. Hondurans will all go to Detroit and Costa Ricans will be sent to Omaha.

Nicaragua will relocate to Chicago, near Wrigley Field. El Salvadorians will trek to Phoenix, and Belize will move to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Upon their entry into the U.S., each new arrival will receive:

  • $25,000.00 in cash
  • A Green Card
  • A job with the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Service
  • MLS season tickets
  • A lawyer and translator
  • A reality series on the WE TV network
  • A get-out-of-jail free card

According to Ms. Harris, Operation Vamoose should not cost the average American more than $87,000.00 in taxes.

Ted Holland