“Since they know so much better” President Biden mobilizes Fox News for immediate deployment in Kabul.
Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Stating that he was tired of the endless criticism, complaining and constant calls for his resignation from Fox News anchors, as well as their frequent intimating that they could handle the situation in Afghanistan better than he or current Pentagon leaders could, President Joe Biden issued an executive order militarizing the Fox News Channel and setting it for immediate deployment in Kabul.
As Biden mobilizes the Fox News Channel, it will henceforth be known as “The United States French Foreign Legion.”
The president stated that all current military personnel will be extracted from the region, leaving the evacuation of refugees solely in the hands of the new United States French Foreign Legion.
He also stated that the names of the members of the legion had accidentally fallen into the hands of the Taliban. When asked what would be his reaction should any harm befall members of the newly created force, the President replied, “Ooops.”