[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

SNN Uncovers Why Many Americans Remain Unvaccinated

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

The US has one of the largest percentage of unvaccinated citizens in the world. Our investigative reporter shows why.

Next to the renegade island nation of Sloppejarre, the United States of America has the largest percentage of unvaccinated citizens.

unvaccinated Photo by Chris Devers flickr.com
Photo by Chris Devers flickr.com.

SNN investigative reporters Sweet Mama Dorite and Mutha Buckette hit the highways and byways across America to find out why so many citizens still refuse to get Covid vaccinations. These are the reasons given by many unvaccinated Americans:

  • “Nunyodamnbidness”
  • “Kiss my ass”
  • “It’s against my religion”
  • “I live in a Republican State”
  • “There ain’t no Covid… it’s a scam put out by the government and the drug companies”
  • “I’m waiting to be paid to take the shot… $250.00 a shot would be good”
  • “I’m waiting on Santa Claus to bring mine”
  • “I’m waiting on Marvel Comics to develop a super vaccine”
  • “Waiting on Jack Daniels vaccine”
  • “waiting on the digital vaccine”
  • “When Jesus Christ and John Wayne git a vaccine… I’ll git one”
  • “I’m a Goddamn American and I don’t have to do nuthin’ I don’t want to”

Mutha Buckette is SNN’s highest paid correspondent and the only woman ever to reach the rank of General in the Slobovian Foreign Legion.

Ted Holland