[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Canada and U.S. Jointly Announce ‘Janteenth: Stupid Peoples Day’

The countries agree on a UN Human Rights Declaration to create a national day of awareness, “Stupid Peoples Day.”

Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and U.S. President Joe Biden today signed into law in their respective countries, a national day of awareness, “Janteenth: Stupid Peoples Day.”

Janteenth Stupid Peoples Day
Images from January 6, 2021 at the U.S. Capitol and January 28, 2022 at the Freedom Convoy in Ottawa.

In a televised address, Trudeau noted that although Canada is built on a foundation of diversity, “All Canadian governments have imposed values of logic and reasoning. Stupid people have been marginalized by this systemic commonsense-ism. We have imposed our educationalist views and rules of spelling and grammar. This has suppressed the heritage of inarticulateness in traditional Stupid speech and print. We have demeaned Stupid cultural practices, like counting with fingers, moving lips while reading, and open-mouth chewing.”

The PM called for true diversity and inclusion. “We must honor alternatives to logic and reason, accept so-called “misspellers” as non-binary spellers, and welcome spitters and those for whom bluster trumps brains.” He concluded with the traditional stupid greeting, Duhhhh.

U.S. President Biden promised to increase membership of Stupid People in Congress. With Republicans now holding a Stupid advantage, Biden praised Sen. Joe Manchin (WV) for helping Democrats to catch up. Biden will reach out to ISIS, NRA, Will Smith, Dumb Lives Matter, the Supreme Court and other groups to create a “Rainbow Coalition of The Stupid.”

Janteenth is the date given to mark the respective January demonstrations in Canada and the U.S. These were initially labelled as acts of domestic terrorism.  They are now correctly understood as celebrations of the culture of Stupidness and the lives of Stupid People.

David Wollman