[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump to Star in ‘Spamalot’ Revival

President Trump has signed on for a 20-week engagement in the starring role in a Kennedy Center revival of “Spamalot.”

Taking time away from his White House responsibilities, President Donald J. Trump has signed on for a 20-week engagement in the starring role in the Kennedy Center revival of “Spamalot,” a musical which is based on the 1975 film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Spamalot
Donald Trump starring in Spamalot, with Stephen Miller as his fool.

“Hey, I run the place now, so I figured why not get the biggest stars? And everyone knows I’m the biggest star ever,” said Trump, who fired the original lead to step into the role.

“Spamalot” enjoyed its original Broadway run from 2005 to 2009, logging more than 1,500 performances. The book and lyrics were written by former Monty Python member Eric Idle. Trump has signed to play the main character, King Arthur.

Idle described King Arthur as a “proud and well-intentioned but comically inept leader on a quest to find the Holy Grail, the cup used at the Last Supper.” Idle called the selection of Trump as Arthur “type casting.” The original rendition of Spamalot won 3 Tonys, 3 Drama Desk Awards and a Grammy in 2005.

Spamalot’s title came about by tweaking a “Nights of the Round Table” lyric: “We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot.” Trump, reached at his gold-lined dressing room at the Gershwin Theater, said this is auspicious, in that Spam (A Hormel meat product containing canned pork and ham) is featured on the menu in The Main Dining Room at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Florida.

“They (the chefs) do amazing things with Spam,” boasted the president. “I know more about Spam than anyone.” According to insiders, the kitchen at Mar-a-Lago has constructed a miniature palace of Spam. “Vladimir Putin is a big fan of Spam,” offered Trump. Some concerns have arisen over the fact that Spam, introduced in 1937, has twice the daily recommended amount of fat than it does protein, and also contains an extraordinary amount of salt and preservatives.

“Don’t listen to the so-called experts,” bellowed Trump. “Arsenic and embalming fluid are proven preservatives. Believe me, I know more about preservatives than anyone!” One reporter remarked that it was not common knowledge that the president could sing. “I’ve never sung professionally before,” admitted Trump, “but I’m doin’ everything to get my voice in shape.” He mentioned gargling with razor blades as part of his prep, an activity which he said is strongly encouraged by his singing coach.

Bill Tope
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