Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Big city life of NYC will be free to all the common folk if Zohran Mamdani is voted in as mayor, says reporter.
SNN big city reporter Bedsty Brooklyn Hellskitchen says that if New Yorkers elect Democratic Socialist candidate for mayor Zohran Mamdani, the good big city life of NYC will be free to all the common folk and the city’s gazillionaires will foot the bill.
Just think, on any given Saturday, ordinary NYC resident Joe Blow can take a free bus or subway ride to the Bronx, get into the stadium, sit right behind the Yankees dugout, get Aaron Judge‘s autograph, guzzle beer and munch on Yankee dogs for free.
Then he free-rides it to Sardi’s, orders up those $75 Grilled Filet Mignon Medallions and a Sardi’s Chop Salad with Blackened Shrimp and wine, wine, wine… for free.
Then he free-rides it to the Garden for the Knicks game and sits right next to brother Spike Lee, for free of course.
If he gets busted trying to rob the visiting team’s locker room, the bail is free. What a city it will be!
But wait… the cops will be defunded, so he won’t get caught.
Breaking Space News
Famous Lunar Scientist Dr. Sally Somethingorother says that fireball in the sky was just a Moonfart.
SNN Words to Live By
“It isn’t what you drive..It’s how you drive.” — Chief Dan Matthews (Broderick Crawford), Highway Patrol, 1950’s TV series.
“You can’t respect someone who kisses your ass.” — Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, 1986 movie.
“There are nice people in the US, but sometimes they can get mean.” — Joe Friday (Jack Webb), Dragnet, 1969 TV series.
The Question
How many people are in your entourage?
Author’s pick: The perfect number… NONE.
- If Mamdani Becomes Mayor, NYC Will Be Free - July 1, 2025
- Trump’s ‘Deport LA’ Begins with Los Angeles Dodgers - June 22, 2025
- Special Riot Issue: President Trump to Deport Los Angeles - June 18, 2025
