Trump to Build Big, Beautiful Ball Room in East Wing

The new addition to the East Wing won’t be cheap, but where there’s a will, there’s a way.

President Donald J. Trump announced from the White House yesterday that he will oversee construction of a “big, beautiful” $200 million ballroom in the East Wing of the White House.

“Nobody knows more about ballrooms than me,” Trump said, scratching his crotch.

Funding for the construction will come from donations from a wide variety of sources. Trump said that $36 million will come from Paramount, $200 million from Columbia University, and possibly as much as $500 million from Harvard, in which case “We’ll build two or three ballrooms.”

Trump then excused himself, saying he had a golf date with a chatbot at Mar-a-Lago that afternoon, and was replaced at the lectern by White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, who told reporters that the 90,000-square-foot Donald J. Trump White House State Ballroom will seat 650 people.

Leavitt said the facility will be designed by McCrery Architects, famous for designing CECOT Terrorism Confinement Center in Tecoluca, El Salvador, and a generous donor to Trump’s inauguration last January.

The ballroom will be build by Clark Construction, which is presently involved in construction of 40 Vermin Containment Facilities (VCFs) in the American Southwest for the warehousing of illegal immigrants and which contributed $2 million to the Trump campaign, Leavitt said.

Storyboards of the proposed construction show the president initiating construction by striking the carpeted floor of the East Wing with a pickax, brown-skinned immigrant chain gangs clearing away debris, and a completed ballroom, with brown-shirted and jackbooted guards monitoring a solemn tribute to the Dear Leader.

Leavitt said Trump himself will be contributing to the construction costs.

“The president has pledged more than $5,000 in $Trump meme coins,” Leavitt said. “The president is being real big about this.”

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Bill Tope

Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.