[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

White South African Refugees Flood Into US Searching for New Apartheid State

‘Cops gunning Blacks down in the street made us so nostalgic for Dr Verwoerd,’ say apartheid lovers.

Tucson, AZ — Following the recent wave of police killings in the US, thousands of white South Africans described as ‘Mandela refugees’ are flooding across America’s southern borders in search of a new apartheid state.

Dr H. F. Verwoerd, South African Prime Minister 1958-1966

Authorities in Arizona, Missouri and Texas say they are welcome and will be quickly settled.

“These are our brothers, man,” said Limp Dickswell, mayor of Pothole, AZ. “It’s not like they’re six-year old Mexican drug mules with cantaloupes for thighs.”

“They’re just normal, God-fearing racists who know how to run a white, segregated state. We look forward to learning from them,” he added.

Undocumented white South African immigrant, Tiny Braincell, said he was grateful for the U.S’s current border policies because they meant that he and his family could stay.

“Everyone knows only Mexicans get deported,” he said. “We’re so white and Christian and racist we’ll blend into the South like piss in a horse bucket. That’s one of our quaint little expressions. You won’t even know we’re there. I mean here.

“Besides,” Tiny went on in his broad Transvaal accent, “we Afrikaners have exactly the same history and attitudes as you, including centuries of slavery, institutional racism, denying the vote to the Blecks, as we call them, social segregation down the line and — the reason we’re here now — persecution by the communists and liberals. We’re a perfect match.”

Tiny’s wife Teenie chimed in: “We knew Dixie was the place for us as soon as we read in the papers that your cops are allowed to gun Blecks down in the street. It made us so nostalgic for Dr. Hendrik Verwoerd we couldn’t not come.”

“Yeah,” said Tiny. “I wanna pack some heat, and soon. You never know when some Bleck thug will play his car music too loud. Hey, there’s a gun store.”

Michael Egan