[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Thousands of U.S. Citizens Swamp ICE, Demand Deportation

Gotta get out before Trump throws us all in detention camps,’ say frightened liberals demanding deportation

NYC – More than 30,000 “frightened and terrified” liberal U.S. citizens have swamped the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency, demanding to be swiftly deported back to their parents’ and grandparents’ countries of origin.

citizens demanding deportation
Hanalee Bastardsdotter wants to go back to Iceland.

“I’m an immigrant, my parents were immigrants and my children are DACA immigrants too,” said Luigi Pepperoni, a Democrat from New Jersey.

“I demand that me and my family be immediately deported back to Sicily. The mafia ain’t nothing compared to what’s coming. That’s an offer it’s a lot safer to refuse.”

“Me too,” said Ingrid Bastardsdotter, clutching her three-year-old, Hanalee. Ms Bastardsdotter immigrated to the USA from Iceland in 1973.

“I know we have melting ice and volcanoes, but I’d rather freeze or fry than end up in one of Grupenfuhrer Bannon’s internment camps.

“As a liberal columnist working for the Madison Pig and Chicken Breeders Gazette I’m really dangerous. I believe in free-range chickens and not separating piglets from their sows. Throw us out now!”

Mrs Zika Virus and her daughter Ebola fled the Sudan three years ago but are now hoping to be sent back “without delay.”

“Frankly I can’t afford the air fare for my family, including my Irish husband Seomasich and his 92-year-old mother.

“His grandparents lied their way in from Ireland in 1893, claiming to be one of the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. We should all be immediately returned to Dublin, though the Sudan will do too. They only have a civil war going on.”

A spokesman for ICE said that deportation requests would be considered, “as always” after reviewing applicants’ religious orientation and skin tone.

“I don’t think Ms Bastardsdotter has a chance. She’s blonde and cute and Christian. But Ms Virus and her black-as-the-ace-of-spades daughter Ebola were already on our list.

“They’ll be outa here before you can say ‘Sieg Heil,’ believe me.”

The following two tabs change content below.
Michael Egan
Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it. Check out his website, Editorial and Political Cartoons.