[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

GOP Celebrates Being Able to Say ‘Merry Christmas’ to Kids They Are Uninsuring

“It makes me feel so Christian,” says lawmaker whose family still gets the best health insurance.

“Donald Trump is like a merciful King, allowing us to say ‘Merry Christmas’ again,” said Paul Ryan, Republican Speaker of the House. “He’s just so magnanimous. I hope he’ll soon make it okay again to say, ‘God bless us, every one,’ too!”

Merry Christmas, health care
Photo by Alex Proimos, flickr.com.

Republicans are ecstatic about a lot of things right now, like the tax cut and the new King-like status of the presidency, which will allow Trump to fire Special Counsel Robert Mueller without consequence.

“With the tax cut, it’s now okay to be rich again — we’ll no longer be vilified simply for hoarding all the wealth,” said Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader. “And with His Highness gaining new powers, we can free our country from the long scourge of separation of powers, and a law enforcement agency that dares to say the President must abide by the same laws that the unwashed masses do. Happy days are here again in 2018!”

Although Robert Mueller was appointed previously as FBI Director by a Republican president, George W Bush, and is a Republican himself, he is being vilified by right-wing media and Trump administration members as a out-of-control pariah, intent on orchestrating a coup against president Trump.

“It’s obvious he is hiding behind the law, trying to use it to do the evil bidding of the minority Democrats,” said McConnell. “Why else would he be trying to hold the president to some arbitrary level of accountability? The American people decided to elect him, knowing he was a Putin-loving, pussy-grabbing, contractor-cheating, fake-university-founding, tax-cheating, dictator wannabee. So, America deserves him.”

Millions of non-millionaires will lose their health coverage with the new tax bill coming into effect, but that’s just the cost of freedom, say supporters. If the poor and middle class would just work harder and get luckier in the stock market, they say, then they too could enjoy the great promise of freedom to say “Merry Christmas” to those who are struggling, helping to ease their pain, as Jesus intended.

“If they really wanted health care for their families, they should’ve thought of that before, and gotten rich, like those of us in God’s favor,” said Ryan. “And let’s be honest, they should have prayed harder.”

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James Israel
The Humor Times founder/publisher/editor/writer may wear a lot of hats, but he likes it that way. Still, his favorite job is writing fake news articles. He is also a musician and songwriter, who plays guitar, mandolin and harmonica, with several CDs to his credit.
  • ItsMeNotU

    It’s a very merry Christmas undoing all the OBAMA crap. Thank God.

    • Roger Freed

      yu wood make a verry good farmer. Yu are reely good at spreading your manuure around.

      • ItsMeNotU

        Thank you. There is a ton of Obama and democRAT manure that will keep us shoveling for years.

        • Roger Freed

          R u madd at yur Momm cuz she gave u such a straange name? I wood think you got piked on a lot wit a naame like ItsMeSnotU.

          • ItsMeNotU

            LOL. No S in the name but funny. Jar Jar Binks

          • Rujer Fried

            Har, har , har! Butt it iz a good plan you rite wingers got to get rid of helth cair fur everyone so dat the poor die off and then there will be less peeple to git on welfair and les demokrats to vote aginst the rite wing. True geenyus.n Truble iz when all the poor peeple iz ded then the rich like Trump and hiz boyz haf to to doo the hard work for themselvs that they dun or dye. Most likely dye.

          • ItsMeNotU

            Re-Fried you know what you said is all lies. The affordable health care act was crap and designed to fail. It’s design was to move America to a single payer system. The poor will not die off and it’s disguting to think that anyone on the left or right would want that. History show that the poor will not be “killed” off. The democRATS tried that back under Woodrow Wilson. Who was the worst President in History.

          • rooger fried

            Kno, its tru. I red it in the Enquirere. And the RePOOblicans want to get rid of helth cair becsue otherwise the nice men in the wite jackets won’t put money in there pockets anymorr. Big Farma and helth cair kingpins now they have a Monopolie on sik peeple and don’t want to loose a single dime. Or even a marryed one. (Ha, ha, that wuz a joke!) The reel joke is that there is medicine growing wild outsied peeple’s doors that tribal peeple have used for thosands of yeers, but peeples is too afrade to trie them. They is called HERBS. Shhh, itz a seecret!!!!!!

          • rooger fried

            Alsew, Ah think de worst Prasident in historie just got Trumped.

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