[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Initiates His Own Version of the Pledge of Allegiance

New, mandatory Pledge of Allegiance ghost-written by Kellyanne Conway.

Trump Pledge of AllegianceCommandant Trump, expanding his power over we serf’s everyday life in keeping with his expanding ego, has taken it upon himself to rewrite the Pledge of Allegiance, a cornerstone of American heritage. His version, ghost written by Kellyanne Conway with content and spell-checking by Ann Coulter, differs greatly from the Pledge of Allegiance we all grew up with. Trump states that it “better reflects our current times and realities” (content and spell-checking also by Ann Coulter).

The new, mandatory Pledge of Allegiance as re-written and now copyrighted by President-Select Donald J. Trump is as follows:

I pledge my servitude to the Flag

of the divided states of America

and to the oligarchy which now controls it

one nation with a supplemental Central American population under our Lord Trump

highly inflammable,

with liabilities and repression for all.

Christians at first chafed at his dropping of “God,” replaced with “Lord Trump,” but after convening, they decided that it was okay as long as it kept their side of things in power.

Some members of the Republican Party were also opposed to certain sections of the new Pledge, but they were quickly ridiculed on Fox News and their corporate sponsors, and so quickly fell back into line.

The Democrats were allowed no say in the matter, and those that did open their big mouths suddenly and mysteriously disappeared.

This author will probably also suddenly and mysteriously disappear as well.

Roger Freed