Trump's Valentine Tweets - David Martin, Humor Times

On Valentine’s Day, most folks exchange cards. However, we expect President Trump to send out Valentine tweets instead, like these:

Donald Trump to the Electoral College

The Midwest is red,
Both coasts are blue.
But thanks to your defects,
I surely can’t lose.
Thanks bigly, Valentine.

Donald Trump to Michael Bloomberg

They say you are a billionaire
With wealth beyond compare.
But there’s something you don’t have that I do
And I’m not speaking of my hair.
My six foot three is something that I know you’d surely like
So then I could no longer diss you with the nickname Little Mike.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Little Mike.

Donald Trump to Joe Biden

Love is patient and kind,
Love does not envy or boast,
It is not arrogant.
But mostly love is patient,
And I love waiting for you to fail.
Have a restful Valentine’s Day, Sleepy Joe.

Donald Trump to Rudy Giuliani

I love it when you’re on TV,
You’re such a funny guy.
And no matter what you say or do
They always take your lie.
You are my crazy Valentine.

Donald Trump to Mitch McConnell

My love’s like a White, White House
I’ve held a long, long time.
My love’s like an Oval Office
That is forever mine.
If fair thou art, dear Mitchell,
You’ll protect my sacred trust.
But if you don’t I hope you know
I’ll throw you ‘neath the bus.
Thanks for the impeachment acquittal, Valentine.

Donald Trump to Mike Pence

Congrats upon your current post,
You’re second in command.
I wouldn’t get too comfy, though
Given what I might have planned.
Don’t count on four more years, Valentine.

Donald Trump to Lindsey Graham

I really like to be with you,
You are my special friend.
But if you fail to buss my butt,
Our friendship’s at an end.
Pucker up, Valentine.

Donald Trump to Vladimir Putin

I know you’re a Red,
But I’m no longer blue
Since I won the election,
Here’s a giant thank-you.
Das vedanya, Valentine.

Donald Trump to Donald Trump

How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways,
From my fantastic victories
To my most stable geniosity,
I am a huge, huge success,
And the greatest president ever.
I love me, Valentine.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.