The Magnificent Seven: Trump’s Task Force to Reopen the Economy

President Donald Trump introduces his “Task Force to Reopen the Economy.”

We’re going to get the economy up and running right now and I’ve got just the vehicle to do it: the Task Force to Reopen the Economy.

Task Force to Reopen the EconomySome say it’s disorganized because I keep changing who’s on the task force but that’s part of the plan. Yes, I initially considered Ivanka and Jared but I need them to continue their great work on reforming the federal bureaucracy and creating Middle East peace.

That’s why I instead decided to appoint a panel of experts from a wide variety of fields. There’s Ben Carson who, I believe, is a medical doctor; Larry Kudlow who used to play an economist on TV and an old guy named Wilbur Ross who’s even older than Bernie Sanders.

But this new task force is a work in progress. So if better candidates come forward, then I’m prepared to replace the existing members with new ones. In fact, I’ve just heard that, due to Disney’s theme park shutdowns, there are seven highly qualified workers available who would be perfect for the job:


As I initially promised, we obviously need a doctor on the task force to advise on the medical aspects of the pandemic. Ben Carson is a doctor but he’s not a pandemic expert and, let’s be honest, he’s a bit dopey and sleepy. I want a top qualified medical practitioner and this Doc fellow seems to be a perfect fit.


I don’t know Grumpy personally but I’ve heard good things about him. He’s got all the grouchiness of Wilbur Ross and the ability to play devil’s advocate with anyone looking to delay a reopening of the economy. Plus, he doesn’t constantly fall asleep like Wilbur.


I don’t know a lot about this guy but with a name like Happy, I figure he’s got to be great. What we really need for this committee is a big dose of optimism and if Happy can provide that, he’ll be a crucial addition to the team.


My career has been punctuated with countless examples of modesty. Sure, I’m great and I’ve accomplished a lot of great things but you don’t hear me tooting my own horn all the time. I hear that Bashful is just that kind of guy, too, and that’s why I want him helping out the cause.


Don’t let the name fool you. This guy’s a financial genius and may well be the cornerstone of this project. His name is kind of the opposite of what he is, you know, like Tiny is a big guy and Slim weighs 239 pounds. Anyway, he can’t be dopier than Ben Carson or that son-in-law of mine.


Apparently this guy has a nose for business and can sniff out a great deal. That’s why they call him Sneezy not because he’s always sneezing and blowing his nose although he does do a lot of that, too. But if he can smell a good business plan for reopening America, he’s my kind of guy.


Don’t think Sleepy Joe Biden or Ben Carson. This guy’s a sleeper as in you’d never guess how bright he really is. I’m not saying he’s a stable genius but he’s not far off.

That’s my dream team. Seven guys who’ve got every base covered. Just for fun, I’m going to call them my Seven Dwarfs.

David Martin
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