[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Neanderthals Protest Comparisons to Trump Supporters

“Unfair and untrue” say neanderthals, claiming false equivalence between them and the MAGA crowd.

neanderthalsActivists representing neanderthals gathered today at the nation’s capital to protest “unfair and untrue” negative stereotyping of themselves by the press and the general public. Gronk Gronkson, chief spokesman for the group, explained:

“For years we’ve had to endure all kinds of insulting and offensive propaganda, and we’re sick and tired of all the lies. Neanderthals made tools, used fire and lived in shelters. We were the first of the early humans to make clothing and ornamental jewelry, and the first to bury our dead. We even marked our graves with flowers and other offerings. So to suggest that we’re nothing more than a bunch of dim-witted brutes is not only inflammatory and insulting, it’s also completely wrong.

neanderthals“Recent comparisons between us and Donald Trump supporters are absolutely the last straw! We’re nothing at all like those Promagamorons. After all, if ensuring our survival had been a simple matter of mask-wearing, social distancing and getting vaccinated we never would have gone extinct. I mean, we’re Neanderthals, not idiots!”

Meanwhile, several dozen anti-mask demonstrators were injured with second and third-degree burns at a nearby mask-burning rally. “It just goes to show how dangerous these masks really are,” observed event organizer Stu Pittman, “Of course next time we’ll make sure everybody removes their mask before setting it on fire.”

 

Share
Share