[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Historians outraged: ‘Mein Kampf plagiarism a clear violation of international copyright standards.’
CLEVELAND – The Trump plagiarism scandal intensified yesterday as top historians accused the family patriarch Himself of shoplifting most of His ideas from Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf.
On Monday, His wife Melania was accused of plagiarizing her speech from Michelle Obama. On Tuesday, His son Donald Jr. was accused of plagiarizing his speech from an article by F.H. Buckley in The American Conservative.
Now a “Gang of Five” famous historians, led by Lincoln biographer Doris Kearns Goodwin, is accusing The Donald Himself of “a clear violation of international copyright standards” by basing his entire political strategy on a textbook execution of Hitler’s Mein Kampf.
“It’s well-known that Der Donald keeps a copy on his nightstand,” said Ms Goodwin at a press conference. “He even capitalizes pronouns referring to Himself in all His literature, like Hitler did. The copyright violations are simply intolerable and must be stopped, or we’re all doomed.”
Ms Goodwin added, “Where Hitler deliberately inflamed passions against Jews, Gypsies and homosexuals, Trump inflames passions against Muslims, Mexicans and homosexuals.”
She pointed out that also like Hitler, Trump’s program boils down to a few deliberately iconic symbols: the red baseball hat, “Make America Great Again,” and His mop of distinctive hair, as instantly recognizable as Der Fuhrer’s toothbrush mustache.
“Also there’s a kind of sexual subtext. Hitler only had one ball and Trump only has his stubby little fingers, if you know what I mean.”
Ms Goodwin noted that the world and civilization had in fact survived Hitler.
“Still, would we have gotten this far,” she wondered, “if in 1939 Germany had access to nuclear missiles and the ability to launch them at a second’s notice?”
The famed historian laughed mirthlessly. “It looks like we are all about to find out,” she said.
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