[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Putin Shooting Hoops, Courting WNBA Star

Photos showing Putin shooting hoops in his private gym emerge, speculation rises that he’s got the hots for WNBA star.

A famous photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin shows him bare-chested, mounted on a horse. Scholars insist this picture sends a message of a strongman riding high atop the Russian empire.

Putin shooting hoopsBut Russian Basketball Magazine released an image today that made news around the world. It depicts a different side of the country’s leader, showing Putin shooting hoops in his private gym. Russian experts insist the Russian leader may be ready to end his war with Ukraine.

Putin Shooting Hoops and Singing in the Kremlin

“Someone close to Putin tells me he is walking around the Kremlin singing make love, not war,” a noted Russian expert said. “The same source sent me text pictures of Putin sitting in his private study, surrounded by photos of WNBA star Brittney Griner. He plans to move her into the Kremlin in the next week or two.”

A second Russian scholar noted, “He loves her. But Putin wants to improve his basketball skills before he proposes to Brittney. He wants to impress her with his dedication.”

Marry Putin? Or Go to a Russian Prison?

Of course, the scholar added, “The Russian president knows Griner doesn’t want to spend 10 years in a Russian prison.” She was arrested recently for allegedly possessing cannabis oil. Griner is sitting behind bars awaiting trial.

But the criminal charge can disappear if Putin wants it to go away, a U.S. State Department spokesman said. “However, Putin will still have to deal with the fact that Ms. Griner is a lesbian who is married.”

“Does that mean Putin is delusional?” a reporter asked.

Said the State Department press officer, “Our intelligence agencies assess that Putin is arrogant enough to think he can change her sexual orientation.”

A Honeymoon in Arizona?

Sources deep within the Kremlin seemed to confirm this notion. “The president wants to marry her in time for them to take a honeymoon in Arizona. He wants them to attend the WNBA playoffs there.” Griner, 6 foot, 9 inches, plays center for the Phoenix Mercury.

Pressed to address this controversy, President Joe Biden laughed.  Then, he said, “We believe Putin took up basketball because his skills as a military strategist are so darn poor. I guess he can’t dribble and wage war at the same time.”

Steve Schneider