[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Runoff Season: Off and Running

Yes, it’s Runoff Season: Beyond the Georgia senate race, runoffs are running rampant across the USA and the world.

Georgia voters could be forgiven for thinking that Raphael Warnock’s (D) senate win is the only runoff of the year. But a quick glance at the news headlines shows that it’s runoff season, and they are running wild, everywhere.

runoff season
Image by Nice4What, CC BY-SA 4.0.

Donald Trump and Ye (formerly Kanye West) have been vigorously running their mouth off all year about their favorite piques. The latest polls indicate they are in a virtual tie for verbal runoff. This is going to trigger a runoff runoff next month. Because this is such an unprecedented event, it is termed a one-off runoff runoff.

In Washington, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) is running his feet off between Republican factions as he tries to curry favor and secure, at any cost, the position of House Leader in the next congress.

NFL quarterback Tom Brady and his wife, supermodel Gisele Bundchen, are running off from each other: Brady having called a reverse that was stopped for a loss, while Bundchen threw a ‘Hail Mary’ pass out of bounds.

runoff season
Donald Trump speaking at CPAC 2011. Image by Mark Taylor, CC BY 2.0.

Also in football, Dallas Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones is running off with the Orval Faubus Governor’s Prize for Photography, sponsored by the Arkansas KKK. Former Dallas Cowboys star running back, Herschel Walker is running off to some place where he will not be required to comment intelligently on anything except football.

Comedian Dave Chapelle is running off with the Malcolm X Award for courage in combating anti-Semitism.

Around the world, Russian troops are running off as fast as possible from Ukrainian soldiers. In Hawaii, lava runoffs threaten highways on the Big Island. Everywhere else, the poor and the oppressed are still being run off their land.

And finally, according to Mother Goose, the dish has run off with the spoon.

David Wollman