[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

The Aptly Named Fox News Channel – Where the Stories are Too Good to Be True

Like any fox, the Fox News Channel does what’s needed to succeed.

Who says the Fox News Channel is broadcasting news that’s not exactly true?

Fox News Channel stand
Photo by Rae Whitlock, Fox News Channel stand, CC BY-SA 2.0.

Who wouldn’t believe the Fox story that the balloon that recently blew across the United States was actually sent by President Joe Biden and the Democrats as part of the “Deep State” conspiracy to spy on regular Americans?

Of course, that story reflects reality, Fox reported to its viewers, since it’s the network well respected and admired for its fair, balanced, and truthful reporting.

“Would we ever make up a story like that?” asked a Fox spokeswoman. She said Biden administration officials lied that the Chinese Communists sent the balloon to spy on U.S. military installations to cover up its own misdeeds and falsehoods to the American people.

Biden, she said, hid the fact that the balloon’s real purpose was to distract Americans from other, more pressing issues. Such as, she continued, illegal immigrants pouring over the U.S. southern border, the administration’s chaotic mishandling of the U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan, the spending of billions of U.S. taxpayers’ dollars to help defend Ukraine against the Russian invasion, and Republican Congressional investigations into the President and his allegedly corrupt son, Hunter Biden.

Also, she maintained, ultra-liberal billionaire investor George Soros was the mastermind behind the whole balloon thing as part of a Communist/Zionist plot to have Antifa and the Black Lives Matter movement take over the United States.

She charged that “Biden will do anything to get the U.S. population to stop thinking about high inflation that’s destroying the American Dream.”

Another Fox spokesman presented theories that aliens from other planets had sent the balloon as part of a plot to take over the Earth.

Secretly, this same spokesman laughingly told his Fox News colleagues off air “that if you believe those stories, I got some swampland in Florida to sell you.”

Then, of course, there was Fox News Host Tucker Carlson offering his absolutely well-sourced report that the 44-year marriage of Joe and Jill Biden was actually a “PR sham cooked up by political consultants.”

“Their love is as real as so-called climate change,” Carlson said. He added that he remains absolutely committed to telling the truth. Carlson called claims that climate change is happening on Earth part of a “liberal invention like racism.”

These totally believable stories come as Fox News previously alleged that voting machines by the Dominion Voting Systems Corporation had engaged in a conspiracy to rig the 2020 presidential election in Joe Biden’s favor.

Of course, there will always be people who deny the truth for monetary gain. In filing its $1.6 billion lawsuit against the Fox News Channel over false election fraud claims, Dominion said from the top down, Fox personnel “knew ‘the Dominion stuff’ was ‘total BS.’”

Dominion added that “despite knowing the truth–or at minimum, recklessly disregarding that truth–Fox spread and endorsed these outlandish voter fraud claims’ about Dominion even as it internally recognized the lies as ‘crazy,’ ‘absurd,’ and ‘shockingly reckless.'”

That’s Dominion’s brief, which you can accept at your own risk.

The late TV network newscaster, Walter Cronkite, considered the “most trusted man in America,” used to sign off on each of his newscasts with “and that’s the way it is.” Apparently, he said that to make his viewers feel better that the world wasn’t falling apart and that he’d never lie to them,

If you believe Fox, what Dominion says is not the way it is.

Fox News had a totally creditable response in its defense against Dominion that the whole issue was one of freedom of speech and press, which is protected by the U.S. Constitution. It quoted from the Bible that “The Truth Shall Set You Free.” Fox, being the network that always presents both sides of the argument, said its mission is to give Americans “the truth behind all the lies we’re getting from the fake news networks.’

When we hear Fox airing reports that that the Democratic Party and Hollywood elites are part of a cabal of satanic cannibalistic pedophiles, or that the Earth is actually only 4,000 years old, not 4.5 billion years old, why shouldn’t we believe it? After all, Fox is the same network that put on such emotionally stable and fair-minded brokers like Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell who proclaimed that Joe Biden stole the 2020 presidential election, and that Donald Trump is the real president.

We’ll accept those comments even if we hear that Fox News hosts reportedly were skeptical of the network’s stolen-election claims but not saying it on air publicly fearful of alienating its huge viewing audience of Trump voters.

Such alleged hypocrisy is just a minor technicality. Those reports, Fox said, are more made-up stories from “woke, liberal” news networks.

Anybody who knows anything knows the aptly-named Fox network is cunning like a fox, representing slyness, elusiveness, the mysterious, and adaptability. And isn’t that what any respectable news outlet like Fox needs to have in its arsenal to be successful in today’s dog-eat-dog media climate?

Eric Green