[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

No Sign of Cotton-mouth

Sen. Tom Cotton made a floor speech steeped in controversy today.

What Iran needs now is a more liberal leader, a Mullah Lite, if you will. #assholes

Tom CottonThis is the tweet that caused such a stir in the Senate, and the man behind it,  Sen. Tom Cotton, also made sure his maiden floor speech was steeped in controversy. Kicking off affairs in a heated manner, the junior United States Senator from Arkansas wasted no time in addressing Obama’s weaknesses.

“The world is growing ever more unpredictable, our country is overrun with illegal aliens, or undocumented democrats, as we like to call them. Our defense spending is wholly inadequate to confront the danger posed by our enemies,” Cotton said. “To be exact, our nation is being run into the ground by John Kerry, a crackpot with big ears, and Barack Obama, a pothead with big ears. A change must now be made. It’s time for Mr. Obama to face the music and dance, but that’s a difficult task when you possess two leftist feet.”

He continued: “I wish I could take credit for those eloquent but ominous words, but Ted Nugent, my buddy, my pal, is the man behind the genius.”

Cotton lamented that President Barack Obama was the real traitor, not the Republican senators. “Our leader is a coward, a man afraid of his own shadow. Why did he cross the road? Yes, you got it, to help the other side! Although we lost two presidential races to Obama, we won’t be defeated again, even if the guy from Kenya usually triumphs in a marathon.”

John Glynn