[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

KKK Plans Labor Day with Bible Study and Cross-Burning Competition

Labor Day with the KKK promises “song, camaraderie and a generous helping of hate”

Mississippi Burning, the Arkansas chapter of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK), has announced that it will a host a Labor Day rally filled with “sing songs, camaraderie and a generous helping of hate.”

KKKBased in Harrison, Arkansas, Mississippi Burning is widely regarded as the Klan’s most prominent chapter. According to the group’s website, the event will include beat boxing, folk dancing, Bible study and a cross-burning competition. A raffle and “awesome spot prizes” are also promised.

The KKK is a group renowned for its ‘family matters’ philosophy, and Mississippi Burning has promised to make the upcoming event a family-friendly one.

“We urge attendees to bring their children. A nursery for infants and toddlers, across from the bomb making hall, will be open all day,” said Tony Forrest, a direct descendant of Nathan Bedford Forrest, the former slave trader and general douchebag who turned the organization into a militaristic, hierarchical entity.

“Your children are the future! We must open their eyes to the threats facing decent white folk,” the event website reads. “Those that hate our heritage and faith — you know who we’re talking about — have targeted YOUR children. Schools are breeding grounds for homosexuals and race-mixers. Television is full of filth! Have you seen ‘Orange Is the New Black’? It feels like white is the new black, we are under constant attack, being told to accept and embrace equal rights.”

The Klan’s attempt to attract ‘new blood’ is an aggressive and dramatic move. By the late 1990s, the Klan had shrunk to a little under ten thousand members and had splintered into several, smaller organizations, including the Imperial Wizards of Whiteness, Knight Riders, and The Dark Knights.

Like Fox News, the KKK has placed a new emphasis on whites as an oppressed, abused  majority, victimized by “Larry Wilmore and the likes.”

The Klan’s mini resurgence has spurred opposition throughout the U.S, including SpecialKKK, an organization similar to Neighborhood Watch that encourages communities to look out for any “unusual cross burning activity.”

Not content to wallow in their own hate filled excrement, Klan members have recently had their say in the political debate surrounding the removal of the Confederate battle flag. Is the Ku Klux Klan, one of the world’s most notorious hate groups, re-emerging as a very real threat?  One thing is for sure, the KKK, like herpes, seems impossible to totally eliminate.

John Glynn