[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

It’s Official: Melania Trump is a ‘Public Health Crisis’

Red-faced GOP’s anti-pornography amendment would ban images of America’s future First Model, Melania Trump.

NYC – Republican Party leaders were crimson-faced yesterday after their platform committee adopted an “anti-pornography” amendment censoring well-known images of Mrs Melania Trump.

 Melania Trump on GQAs Donald Trump’s third wife, Mrs Trump is of course also America’s presumptive First-Lady-in-Waiting.

However, old photographs of Mrs Trump posing suggestively are generally available online and elsewhere, creating considerable embarrassment within the GOP over their adopted platform.

Some members say that her displays of public nudity exemplify the very “public health crisis” denounced by their platform committee. One member derisively called her the nation’s “First Model.”

According to North Carolina delegate Mary Frances Forrester, who successfully proposed the amendment, “Like Mr Justice Potter said, we all know porn when we see it, and that’s what I see when I look at them pictures.

“And so does my a-hole husband, never mind my teenage son. Melania gave them both enormous hard-ons.”

Mrs Forrester added that even by less subjective, “more scientific” standards, Melania’s pictures were obscene. She noted that they have no redeeming artistic value, are calculated to deprave and corrupt, appeal to the prurient interest and definitely outrage rural community standards.

“Let’s face it,” she wound up, “they are simply meant to make young boys whack off. I rest my case.”

Asked by a reporter about her husband’s hard-on, she blushed and said, “Hypocrisy is the tribute shame pays to virtue.”

Michael Egan

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