[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Putin Trolls Trump’s Valentine Tweets

Putin discovers Twitter and trolls Trump, lovingly.

The tweets in text format:


Trump: Roses are overrated. @MelaniaTrump is correctly-rated.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump Roses are red. I am too. Democrats are blue because of Kremlin.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump I have the best heart! So healthy. It beats totally normally when I’m around you.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I could make your heart stop by bending my pinky finger, but I don’t do.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump I am tremendously rich. I could buy so many ladies. But I chose you.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I have ransom on FED server. Your money is my money, no? This is love.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump These hands are big enough to grab you. Believe me!

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I grab many people in van but you I take on my horse. This is no euphemism. I have horse.


Trump: Roses could afford to lose a few petals.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I can arrange.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump I love you even when your bleeding from you’re wherever.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I love you to pieces. Tiny tiny pieces.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump Ivanka, you are a 10!

Putin: @realDonaldTrump America, I mean microwave supper, you are a 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 …


Trump: I love the constitution like I love women. What does that say? You tell me!

Putin: @realDonaldTrump Also I have kinky thing for documentation. I did not know we had in common. I am shock.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump Wrong. I loved you first.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump Ivanka rhymes with Sri Lanka. Could be useful.


Donald J. Trump Retweeted

John Donne @johndonne . Feb 13

I wonder, by my troth, what thou and I

Did, till we loved? Were we not weaned till then?

But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?

Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers’ den?

’Twas so.


VladPutin Retweeted

Pushkin @pushkin . Feb 11

In alien lands I keep the body

Of ancient native rites and things:

I gladly free a little birdie

At celebration of the spring.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump My heart’s like a plastic banana container. No smush. It’s incredibly incredibly hard.

VladPutin: @realDonaldTrump My heart is like submarine. Room for more ladies than you would think.


Trump: @MelaniaTrump Three words. It’s time for nukey.

VladPutin: @realDonaldTrump Oopsie. Jumped the gun.


Putin trolls Trump on Twitter

Caoilinn Hughes
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