[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Putin Trolls Trump’s Valentine Tweets

Putin discovers Twitter and trolls Trump, lovingly.

The tweets in text format:

 

Trump: Roses are overrated. @MelaniaTrump is correctly-rated.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump Roses are red. I am too. Democrats are blue because of Kremlin.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump I have the best heart! So healthy. It beats totally normally when I’m around you.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I could make your heart stop by bending my pinky finger, but I don’t do.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump I am tremendously rich. I could buy so many ladies. But I chose you.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I have ransom on FED server. Your money is my money, no? This is love.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump These hands are big enough to grab you. Believe me!

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I grab many people in van but you I take on my horse. This is no euphemism. I have horse.

 

Trump: Roses could afford to lose a few petals.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I can arrange.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump I love you even when your bleeding from you’re wherever.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump I love you to pieces. Tiny tiny pieces.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump Ivanka, you are a 10!

Putin: @realDonaldTrump America, I mean microwave supper, you are a 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 …

 

Trump: I love the constitution like I love women. What does that say? You tell me!

Putin: @realDonaldTrump Also I have kinky thing for documentation. I did not know we had in common. I am shock.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump Wrong. I loved you first.

Putin: @realDonaldTrump Ivanka rhymes with Sri Lanka. Could be useful.

 

Donald J. Trump Retweeted

John Donne @johndonne . Feb 13

I wonder, by my troth, what thou and I

Did, till we loved? Were we not weaned till then?

But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?

Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers’ den?

’Twas so.

 

VladPutin Retweeted

Pushkin @pushkin . Feb 11

In alien lands I keep the body

Of ancient native rites and things:

I gladly free a little birdie

At celebration of the spring.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump My heart’s like a plastic banana container. No smush. It’s incredibly incredibly hard.

VladPutin: @realDonaldTrump My heart is like submarine. Room for more ladies than you would think.

 

Trump: @MelaniaTrump Three words. It’s time for nukey.

VladPutin: @realDonaldTrump Oopsie. Jumped the gun.

 

Putin trolls Trump on Twitter

The following two tabs change content below.

Caoilinn Hughes

Caoilinn Hughes' first novel, ORCHID & THE WASP, is forthcoming from Hogarth in the spring of 2018. She has published comedy in The Rumpus, poetry in POETRY and in book form & fiction in Tin House. Currently Visiting Writer at Maastricht University in the Netherlands, she is represented by Bill Clegg.

Latest posts by Caoilinn Hughes (see all)