White House Staff Bunkers Down

National Security Advisor Gen. H. R. McMaster inspects his troops in White House bunker.

White House

National Security Advisor Gen. H. R. McMaster¬†inspects his troops in secret bunkers, deep inside the White House’ cavernous basement —¬†there’s Steve Bannon, ¬†Jared Kushner, Reince Priebus, Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway and Ivanka!

White House

Gen. McMASTER

I’m just coming down here for oxygen – get off the air pipe, Spicer!

SEAN SPICER

Make me!

General McMASTER

See the stars on my jacket — I earned them!

SEAN SPICER

See the stain on my jacket — Guacamole!

KELLYANNE CONWAY

How long do I have to be here — I’m having a panic attack & talking gibberish.

STEVE BANNON

Yes, get her out of here — she’s starting to make sense!

Gen. McMASTER

Anything you want me to tell the boss?

SEAN SPICER

Yeah, ask him to say he met Hitler & take us out of our misery!

Gen. McMASTER

Don’t worry, nobody will forget¬†you down here —¬†Trump told the Russians where you are!

STEVE BANNON

Why aren’t you nervous, Jared?

JARED KUSHNER

I’m goin’ for the quick fix — an hour ago Trump ate a bucket of fried chicken that could kill a horse!

Oh, hi honey.

IVANKA

I designed bunker outfits for all of you.

JARED KUSHNER

No, someone has to be upstairs to call the guys with the net.

White House

STEVE BANNON

Yeah, you better go back up — unless you like to bet on Russian Roulette.

REINCE PRIEBUS

Who has the gun?

IVANKA

No need¬†— it’s¬†all gonna blow over¬†in a¬†week!

MICHAEL FLYNN

Got a match?

STEVE BANNON

Is that you, Flynn?

MICHAEL FLYNN

Who else would finish Nixon’s baloney¬†sandwich!

Gen. McMASTER

You know, I kinda liked it out there on the White House lawn — the reporters were screaming my name, like a Rock Star.

SEAN SPICER

I remember when I was Best Boy!

JARED KUSHNER

That makes two of us — he makes me wear his monogrammed condoms!

IVANKA

Well, it turns me on!

KELLYANNE CONWAY

You get turned on by 500 thread Spreadsheets!

IVANKA

Well, ¬†I’m leaving!

KELLYANNE CONWAY

Is that a promise?

STEVE BANNON

Ever see the old movie “Lifeboat”?

SEAN SPICER

Didn’t they eat each other?

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic who started out in the DC/MD/VA area, moved to the Bay Area in Northern California and now resides in L.A. She has sold jokes to Joan Rivers, lesser lights and gag magazines, and is a screenwriter, playwright and author of non-fiction.
Marilyn Sands

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