[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Gun Nuts React to Latest Mass Shooting: ‘What Las Vegas?’

Calling it a liberal conspiracy, gun nuts are now claiming that Las Vegas doesn’t exist, saying, “Cards don’t gamble, people do, but not in fictional cities.”

In a reaction to the almost universal condemnation of the biggest mass shooting in U.S. history, so-called ‘American’ gun nuts have retorted that the whole episode is just another great liberal hoax and that Las Vegas doesn’t even exist.

gun nutsThe Gun Enthusiasts Needing Obscene Calibers of Insidious Death Engines (G.E.N.O.C.I.D.E.), a firearm cult group, has stated that the whole incident is just a fabrication from the great liberal Satans that have taken over the country and want to take everyone’s guns away, so that it is easier for them to rule the place.

Incensed people have provided the organization with documentary evidence that a place named Las Vegas really does exist, and that the shootings really did happen. But they have been ballyhooed by the group, insulted, condemned as “Communists, anarchists and rumor mongers.” They deny its existence even when presented with books, films and photos of the iconic Western town.

“What can we say to them? No matter what proof we present, they deny that there was ever a place called Las Vegas and that the recent shootings were just a fabrication of prejudices against guns and their owners!” stated an exasperated Leonard Leftleaner, spokesman for Important Materials Providing Online Support and Sustaining Information against Big Lie Enthusiasts (I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E.).

“The only time they would give us any attention was when we screened the Elvis Presley movie ‘Viva Las Vegas!’ for them. Then, some of them woke up out of their somnambulism and made comments like, “All right, ELVIS!” and “That place looks cool!” and “Wow, that babe Ann Margaret is HOT!!!”

Anti-gun protesters took to the streets chanting “Gun nuts live in a shell!,” “NRA stands for Nuttso Radical A**holes” and “Stick your gun barrel where the sun don’t shine and give yourself a lead enema!”

Gun lovers made their own protest march carrying signs and shouting slogans such as “Shoot a liberal for Jesus,” “Let me give you a bullet belly-button” and “What is the use of a gun if you don’t shoot someone with it?”

The debate over the matter was highly televised, with the usual liberal stations screaming slogans at the gun lovers and FOX News taking its customary, although somewhat embarrassed, support of the steel gun and lead bullet aficionados — especially since they had aired a special a week before on the City That Made Sin a Commodity.

Roger Freed