Exclusive: Trump’s Missing 187 Minutes Revealed!

missing 187 minutes

Former White House resident Donald Trump wants you to buy his latest Top Ten excuses about the missing 187 minutes!

Donald Trump‘s failure to stop the insurrection may have cost him his place in the history books & will settle for an “assterisk,” but don’t feel sorry for him – he’ll definitely win himself a pair of shiny new Black & White pajamas made in “Chii-na!”

January 6th House Committee Member Rep. Adam Kinzinger said, “I’ll give you this preview: The president didn’t do very much but gleefully watch TV during this time frame”!

missing 187 minutes

TRUMP’S TOP 10 MISSING 187 MINUTES EXCUSE LIST

10.  I HELPED SOMEONE MOVE!

9.  I TRIED TO FAKE MY OWN DEATH BUT THE McDONALD’S ORDER ARRIVED!

8.  MELANIA POKED HER HEAD IN THE DOOR & SAID, ‘LET’S GO TO IKEA’!

7.  I WAS HOSTING A SEANCE WITH GEORGE, ABE & TIPPECANOE & TYLER TOO!

seance

6.  MY BARBER WAS TRYING OUT NEW HAIR STYLES – I WAS RIVETED!

5.  Pfft! I WAS MAKING CANDY & WAS WAITING FOR THE ‘HARD CRACK STAGE’!

boiling

4.  RUDY GIULIANI HAD ANOTHER FINE MESS HE WANTED TO PITCH ME: ‘Blow up Fort Knox – he knows a guy’!

3.  I WAS TALKING TO MY LIFE INSURANCE GUY – COULDN’T GET RID OF HIM!

2.  I HAD THE RUNS – WHO KNEW I WAS LACTOSE INTOLERANT!

And my #1  reason for ‘The Missing 187 minutes’ on January 6th:

MY VIAGRA KICKED IN & I KNOCKED OVER 2 LAMPS & A MING VASE TRYING TO GET TO THE WAR ROOM!

Sorry, no pic!

Okay, but you know what they say – ‘If you’ve seen one Ming Vase – you’ve seem them all’!

missing 187 minutes

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