President Donald Trump announced today from Mar-a-Lago that he was declaring himself King, thus avoiding the term limit issue.
Putting an end to rampant speculation that he would run for president for a third term in 2028, President Donald J. Trump announced today from Mar-a-Lago that he was declaring himself King, in perpetuity, although he pronounced it “perpepurity.”
Trump said he didn’t want to violate the Twenty-second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which limits presidents to two elected terms. “I’m a great believer in the rule of law,” declared Trump.
“Actually,” said Trump, “precedent is with me, inasmuch as I won reelection to a third consecutive term in 2024.” He said that the highly disputed election in 2020, in which Joe Biden was declared the victor and served out a full 4-year term, “was a rigged election.” He vowed anew to “get” election defilers James Comey, John Brennan and “other lowlifes.”
Trump said the coronation would be held at the Kennedy Center and involve a procession of dignitaries from throughout the world, including Pope Leo XIV, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un. Enthronement will take place precisely at noon on July 30. DoD Secretary Pete Hegseth said to expect a military parade that “will dwarf what you saw last June.”
The ceremonies promise to be expansive, reported White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, who said that “live human sacrifice is not out of the question.” “The King’s powers will be absolute,” said Leavitt, “much as they’ve always been.” She said that the installation of a sovereign would obviate the need for elected representatives. “Congress will be shuttered,” she said, and the Capitol Building converted into a pigeon roost.
Saying a prayer at the coronation will be the Rev. Franklin Graham. Others featured will be Kid Rock, Lee Greenwood, Roseanne Barr, rocker Ted Nugent and, according to Leavitt, “the usual gang of idiots.” Rules of succession are still in the developmental stage, said Trump, but “in all likelihood, I’ll live forever.”
Trump will be ceremoniously crowned by Speaker Mike Johnson (R. LA), who will lay a tiara fashioned from a solid gold bidet taken from the bathroom at Mar-a-Lago, atop Trump’s big head. Although Congress will be out of a job, Trump indicated that there are openings for court jesters, at least until DOGE gets ahold of them.
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