[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Hillary Reminds Americans Wall Street Bribes Completely Legal

Defending her Wall Street connections, Clinton warns Americans not to be idealistic fools.

WASHINGTON — Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reminded Americans the speaking fees and other forms of compensation she has received from Wall Street are completely legal.

Hillary Wall StreetSecretary Clinton’s public service announcement was her response to U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont accusing her of corruption and being a pawn of Wall Street, which he repeated during their debate recently.

“Bernie Sanders and his veiled attacks charging me with being owned by Wall Street are just completely unfair and unwarranted,” explained Secretary Clinton.

Clinton continued, “But even if they were true, the bribes I took are completely legal under the current law of the land and just one hand washing the other.”

“That’s just how things work. So Americans need to stop being idealistic fools and vote for me,” demanded Clinton.

RELATED: Hillary Criticizes Bernie’s Plan to Break Up Her Friends’ Banks

Senator Sanders declared he was confused by Secretary Clinton’s remarks when asked for comment on them.

“I don’t know what veil she is talking about. I openly accuse her of being corrupt,” stated Sanders.

The following two tabs change content below.
Alexander Vosh
Alexander Vosh has lived in Rhode Island for all of his life, but is often asked where he grew up by other Rhode Islanders due to his lack of the state's R-optional accent - which will make an appearance on occasion, usually when Vosh is annoyed. Vosh is also highly allergic to right-wing politics, and thinks whisky is swell. He writes regularly for The Nil Admirari, where this story first appeared.