[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Uncle Sam Says He’s Dying

The world’s oldest democracy, and its main avatar, Uncle Sam, may be dead by 2020.

NYC — America, the world’s oldest democracy, announced via Uncle Sam today that it was too aged and weak to defend itself any longer.

Uncle Sam america dying skull“Can’t do it any more, I’m afraid,” the old fella gasped. “Trump, Paul Ryan and the Republicans in Congress are just too much for me. I doubt I’ll make it past 2020.”

“Uncle Sam,” as he is affectionately known, was born in 1776, but since the end of World War II has aged rapidly.

Experts who have learned from the past and do not wish to relive it, say his condition is “a sickness unto death.”

Coughing, the old codger spelled out the chief threats to his existence. Nearby, the Statue of Liberty, his companion for many years, sobbed quietly.

“Above all, Donald J.Trump,” he said, lifting a bony forefinger. “The banality of evil, the essence of ignorance, the blackest hole in a cosmos of darkness and stupidity!

“I can’t survive that,” he said. “No democracy can, nor ever has.”

Uncle Sam coughed violently. “For years I thought the Constitution would protect me. And it did, for over 200 years, even after the Civil War and Lincoln’s assassination.

“But finally the fascists figured it out. Fix the vote. Gerrymander the districts. Buy off the politicians. Keep liberals and centrists off the Supreme and other courts. And then whatever you do is legal.

“I call it Democratic Fascism,” he said.

Trembling, one of the world’s most beloved historical figures turned his face to the wall, perhaps for the final time.

“Did you know” he said faintly, “that I was once thought of as humanity’s last, best hope? Who will speak for freedom now?”

A deep cry came from the Statue of Liberty. Her torch went out.

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Michael Egan
Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it. Check out his website, Editorial and Political Cartoons.
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