Stunned podiatrists declare president’s feet to be entirely bone-spur free after ‘Toe Jam’ religious invocation.
WASHINGTON DC – President’s Trump’s heels have been declared to be “entirely bone-spur free” by a panel of podiatrists, following a “hands-on-feet” pray-in conducted by evangelical faith healers.
The President agreed to the examination after critics claimed his bone spurs did not in fact exist, and were only an excuse to secure his military deferment during the Vietnam War. The President hotly denies this, but insisted that the exam take place only after a group of Christian faith healers had prayed and caressed his tootsies, as he calls them, in a ram’s-horn exorcism ritual known as the “Toe Jam.”
Immediately after the ceremony the podiatrists declared Mr Trump’s feet to be healthy and normal.
“It’s a miracle, praise the Lord!” wept Rev. Jim Bakker, pausing a moment from selling his $45 Trump Serenity Coins and I’d Rather Be a Nazi Than a Democrat T-shirts..
“Before the Toe Jam,” Bakker noted, “Mr Trump heroically endured years of bone-spur agony, preventing him from rushing in to save kids in Vietnam, barging into beauty pageant dressing rooms, and severely handicapping his golf game, Now it’s likely he’ll live for 200 years, grab young pussies at will, and easily win the U.S. Open.”
According to Dr Mary Footlick, a bone-spur specialist (or “Boner,” as they are known), the sudden disappearance of Trump’s “Haglund’s Deformity” is without medical precedence.
“These things don’t go away on their own, no sir,” Dr Footlick said “The fact that we could find no sign of any bone spurs, including residue or scarring, clearly confirms some kind of miraculous intervention.
“That, or Mr Trump has never suffered from bone spurs! But this suggests a level of moral depravity, turpitude and dishonesty one can hardly credit about a man who recently described himself as “actually, an honest guy.”
Mr Trump has also volunteered to undergo examination by a panel of podiatric Race Experts (or “Racists”) to establish whether there is a racist bone in his body.
According to Dr Footlick, it could be located in his Achilles Heel.
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