Turns out, the President didn’t actually take the MoCA test he brags so much about – a surrogate was needed.
Hey, I’m Joe Shapiro, and not only did I take Donald Trump’s SAT tests years ago, but more recently I also took the Montreal Cognitive Assessment test (MoCA test) on his behalf. He claimed he got a perfect score of 30, but it was actually me who aced it.
Now the President claims he memorized and repeated the five words “person,” “woman,” “man,” “camera,” “TV” but that’s not how it played out. Those just happen to be the five words he chose when looking out at reporters on the White House South Lawn.
The actual words I had to repeat were “face,” “velvet,” “church,” “daisy,” “red.” Granted, it can be difficult to complete that task, but since I’ve taken the test multiple times and the five words are always the same, it wasn’t that hard for me.
Even naming as many words starting with the letter F as you can in one minute can be a daunting task. But for some reason, this time I found it very easy: fraud, felon, fatso, faker, falsify, fool, flimflam, fleece, felonious, finagle, fraudster, fat, fleshy, fibber, fabulist, falsifier, etc., etc.
Truth be told, White House staff had the President informally take the test just to see how he would do. Apparently, he did just fine and got two of the three animals pictured correct, only missing on the rhino — which is perhaps understandable given that he has sometimes been called a RINO himself.
When he was told to “copy cube,” he wrote “cube” and when he was asked to draw CLOCK (ten past eleven) he wrote 11CLOCK10 which, in my view, is a more sophisticated answer than drawing a clock face showing the time as ten after eleven.
There was also a slight problem when Mr. Trump was asked to repeat the statement: “I only know that John is the one to help today.” Understandably, the President thought the sentence was referring to his discredited national security advisor John Bolton and thus was infuriated and refused to state that John could help today.
Testing Trump’s ability to think abstractly also caused a bit of a problem — no doubt due to the unique position he finds himself in as the leader of the free world. While you or I would likely see the pairing “train – bicycle” as two vehicles, he identified them as “Chinese things.” Likewise, where we might view “watch – ruler” as referring to different measuring devices, the President replied “Vladimir Putin.”
From what I could gather, Mr. Trump performed excellently, but in what might be called an unorthodox or out-of-the-test fashion. Thus, although all of those present in the Oval Office agreed that he was at the very least a stable genius, unfortunately a standard assessment of his results would have put him well below the normal threshold of 26 points.
So that’s where I came in. Being a regular test taker of ordinary intelligence, I was able to effectively “dumb down” the results and give Mr. Trump the perfect score he would have received if only he weren’t so darn smart.