Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Trump claims that if Vladimir Putin was his running mate in 2020, he’d “still be president.”
On a recent edition of the SNN news magazine show “59 Minutes,” former U.S. President Donald Trump told host Kissi Mybuttski, “If Mike Pence had any balls, I’d still be president. If I had had Vladimir Putin as Vice President, I’d still be president. And that is why I want Putin as my running mate in 2024.”
Mr. Trump indicated that some of the things he hopes to accomplish during his second term will be:
- Making Russia the 51st state.
- Declaring January 6 a national holiday.
- Building a wall completely around Mexico.
- Declaring Nancy Pelosi a no fly zone.
- Kicking the media out of the white house.
- Having Putin invade New York State Attorney General Letitia James.
- Sending $2,500 stimulus checks to everybody who votes for him.
To handle the process of clearing the path for Putin to be his running mate, Mr. Trump has hired famed lawyers Whoops Lahdedah and O. Denise Schoobydoo from the firm of ShoopShoop, Shangalang and Jiggyboppe.
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