A recap of the Latest News in Trump World: a Presidential Potpourri.
Trump Issues More Pardons: First in our Trump News potpourri, President Donald Trump pardoned Todd and Julie Chrisley, stars of a reality TV show, following their 2022 conviction for tax evasion and defrauding banks out of more than $36 million. Trump met with reporters at Mar-a-Lago on Tuesday, where he responded to scathing criticism from political rivals.
“Trump is just normalizing white collar crime,” charged Sen. Chuck Schumer (D. NY), speaking to reporters on condition of anonymity. “It was only a few million bucks,” retorted Trump, bristling. “That’s peanuts to the crowd I pal around with. Besides, their daughter is hot, and I wanted to ingratiate myself with her.”
Savannah Chrisley, the couple’s daughter, was interviewed by Trump daughter in law Lara Trump on Fox News, and last year spoke at the GOP National Convention in favor of Trump’s candidacy. “Besides,” said Trump, “what are they gonna do, knock over a 7-Eleven, or sell loosies in front of a convenience store? Our judicial system is designed to pursue real criminals, not silk-stocking offenders like the Chrisleys.
Russia-Ukraine War: In other news, Trump is said by insiders to be “very angry” with Russian President-For-Life Vladimir Putin for staging drone attacks and bombing runs on Ukrainian cities, killing civilians, including children. Trump said on his media platform Truth Social that Putin was “playing with fire,” and is “absolutely CRAZY” for flirting with WWIII. He compared Putin’s behavior with that of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, only noted that the Russian leader “was better dressed.”
When asked how the U.S. might respond to this renewed Russian aggression, Trump said he would come out with “both guns blazing” and is in fact in talks with DoD Secretary Pete Hegseth to “ring Putin’s doorbell and run.”
Meme Coin: Meeting with the top 200-odd Trump-brand meme coin investors recently, President Donald Trump celebrated greed, political expediency and the naivete of the average American. Trump said he “cleaned up” at dinner, held at the Trump National Golf Club in Virginia, where he took bids on additional meme coins.
Among the riches he garnered at the fete were liens on 2 Teslas, gold and platinum coins, heirloom silverware, $3 million in cold, hard cash and a prosthetic leg. About the latter acqusition, Trump said it was emblematic of the urgency of the monied class to buy influence with the Trump Administration.
Celebrity Blowback: Asked about his ongoing war with progressive celebrities, Trump said that saucy Attorney General Pam Bondi had signed off on federal arrest warrants for rocker Bruce Springsteen and actors Tom Hanks and Sean Penn. The warrants, executed by the FBI, charged the three with “fundamental disloyalty” and “acting in aversion” to the Trump family. Next stop: Riker’s Island, NY.
Not a Swiftie: Telling any reporter who would listen that pop star Taylor Swift was “no longer hot” since he declared his dislike for her, Trump indicated that there may yet be hope for the singer/songwriter. “My son Barron has his eyes on Swift,” acknowledged Trump.
“For his first sexual experience, I feel it only fitting to employ an older, more experienced, professional babe; someone who’s been through the mill, if you take my meaning.” Asked what was in it for Swift, Trump replied that he was in the process of negotiating a deal involving a substantial quantity of meme coin and vintage flasks of Trump Vodka. Trump added that, if the services of Swift could not be enlisted, the terms were favorable for the hiring of DoD Secretary Pete Hegseth.
- Trump Presidential Potpourri - June 7, 2025
- Attorney General Pam Bondi Indicts Rocker Bruce Springsteen for Sedition - May 31, 2025
- Future News: Trump Receives Honorary Degree from Harvard - May 28, 2025
