Ex-president receives Global Citizen Award, cited for “Utilizing philosophy and resources to combat world poverty.”
Future News: In a shocking turnaround for 4-time-impeached President Donald J. Trump, 87, the thrice-elected former president was proclaimed winner of the 2033 Global Citizen Award for his efforts as chief executive and beyond, to end poverty in the world.
Karoline Leavitt, the fourth Mrs. Donald Trump, spoke for her husband, who was in a tanning booth, when she said he was “humbled by the long-overdue recognition being accorded me.”
The Atlantic Council Global Citizen Awards says on its web site that it “is the premier forum for world leaders, diplomats, and the philanthropic, social, and entertainment communities to celebrate the highest expression of global citizenship.”
Former winners include H. E. Emmanuel Macron, President of the French Republic, former Canada Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and the late Sen. John S. McCain. The first such award was bestowed posthumously on former-Beatle George Harrison for his work in easing the burden on the world’s impoverished.
According to Mrs. Trump, “these philanthropic leaders and the Global Citizens exemplify the leadership we need to tackle extreme poverty, to foster social change around the world, and to achieve a world that is fair, just, and equal. This has been the hallmark of the many Trump Administrations,” she said. She added that it was also important to end waste, fraud and abuse.
“At its core, being a Global Citizen means learning about the systemic inequalities that fuel poverty–racial, ethnic, gender, sexual, and economic inequalities–and joining us in taking action to overcome these in a way that’s sustainable,” she said.
The fiery Mrs. Trump, who first gaind prominence as Trump’s White House press secretary during his second term, later competed in the Ultimate Fighting Championship on the White House lawn in 2027. In that event she defeated reigning UFC champion DHS Secretary Kristie Noem, who had insisted that both women complete while clad in string bikinis. Against the odds, Mrs. Trump defeated Noem, 2 falls to 1.
There are various award presentations made each year by Global Citizen, including persons representing the business and entertainment industry. Insiders say that Trump was also in the running for the prize for Business Leader of Year, for his construction of more than 100 Trump Towers in Greenland, Gaza and the Panama Canal Zone.
However, he received the Global Prize for a World Leader, “for a political figure who has improved the lives of those living in poverty,” because this award was considered more significant.
Those selecting the prize include Nobel laureates, statesmen and business, entertainment and journalism leaders. Originally founded as the Global Poverty Project in 2008, the organisation is now headquartered in New York, with offices in the U.S.’s 51st state, Canada, and in the former South Africa, now known as Muskland.
Albert Stennis, Professor Emeritus of Economics at Oxford, said that Trump’s “Stand on Your Own Two Feet” program and his “Bootstreps” credo helped turn around the dismal economic straights that Mexico had found itself in. “Once he convinced those freeloaders that there was no such thing as a free lunch,” said Stennis, “they got their minds right.”
The GDP growth rate of Mexico for the first quarter of 3033 was 17.4%, marking the 7th consecutive quarter of growth by of least 9%. In comparison, the growth rate of China for the same quarter was 4.1% and for the U.S. it was 3.9%.
Professor Stennis declared that the increases owe to development in the service sector of the Mexican economy. “You got more shoeshine boys, golf caddies and fry cooks now than ever before,” said Dr. Stennis, “and they’ll all finding employment in Mexico, America and abroad. They’re labor-ready,” he said.
Stennis also attributes the high employment rate in Mexico to Trump’s 2028 decision to order compulsory sterilization of immigrants apprehended in the U.S. “With fewer people competing for jobs, and with fewer people being born, employment has nowhere to go bt up,” he said.
And finally, the Global Citizen Award is being made in recognition of President Trump’s efforts to meet the challenge of the invasion by space aliens. “No one knew, just 10 years ago,” said Dr. Franklin Trudeau, of Mt. Holyoke University, “that LGBTQ people where in fact aliens from another planet.
“It seems so clear to us today,” Trudeau told this reporter, “that the pods that drifted so innocently from space ships and were deposited on earth, were later transformed into LGBTQ space aliens who assumed the identity of a regular hetero human who happened to be nearby. It’s just like Invaders from Space. It had been going on for years. Who woulda’ thunk it?”
Trump first suspected that all was not right when transgenders began operating cannibalistic pizza parlors in the nation’s capital and he launched an immediate investigation. “Kudos go out to former Border Czar Tom Homan and former Vice President and-now-President JD Vance,” said Dr. Trudeau.
“An estimated 7.1% of Americans were in fact LGBTQ,” said Trudeau, “and since they’ve been warehoused in Greenland, the world is the better for it.” The 2033 presentation ceremonies will be held at the Millennium Broadway Hotel in Times Square on April 26. The Millennium has seating for 400, but Blacks will be allowed to stand along the walls, if space permits.
First published at Tut Social.com.
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