[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Americans Disturbed by Bernie Sanders’ Consistent Record, Honesty

Bernie Sanders seen as fantasy candidate – too good to be true.

WASHINGTON — Today, the results of a study by the news team at The Nil Admirari showed a sizable minority of American voters were disturbed by the honesty and consistent record of Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont.

Bernie SandersThese Americans found it difficult to accept there was a politician who dared to tell hard truths rather than politically beneficial lies, and explicitly refused to use the divide and conquer strategy utilized by other politicians to trick the vast majority of Americans into fighting each other over economic scraps.

“Forty-three percent of American voters are very disturbed by Bernie Sanders, because they see his honesty and consistent record as something comparable to a dragon or a unicorn,” explained Senior TNA Researcher Dick Schneider, who noted dragons and unicorns were viewed less favorably than Sanders and more favorably than Hillary Clinton.

Schneider continued, “These Americans didn’t think there existed a politician capable of offering them the truth and a record of fighting for economic and social justice. Bernie’s push to break up the banks and protect Americans from Wall Street’s avarice is absolutely consistent with his record.”

“Many of these Americans really want to support Senator Sanders, but are unsure of what to do after being lied to for so long,” stated Schneider.

An unidentified member of the press asked Schneider if there was a way for Bernie Sanders to make Americans more comfortable with him.

“He could push some self-serving lies, and play into the plutocrats’ game by adopting a divide and rule strategy,” replied Schneider.

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Alexander Vosh
Alexander Vosh has lived in Rhode Island for all of his life, but is often asked where he grew up by other Rhode Islanders due to his lack of the state's R-optional accent - which will make an appearance on occasion, usually when Vosh is annoyed. Vosh is also highly allergic to right-wing politics, and thinks whisky is swell. He writes regularly for The Nil Admirari, where this story first appeared.