“Fat-farm” resort paradise set to open next spring
Donald Trump today announced plans for a luxury “fat-farm” vacation property in North Korea to be opened early next year. The Donald J. Trump “Yu-Dang-Dung” Fat-Farm Hotel and Resort will feature cutting-edge North Korean weight loss techniques, as well as nightly bingo and laser karaoke.
“I first got the idea when I visited North Korea,” Trump explained, “I noticed that none of the people there were fat, and I thought what a great thing! When I asked Kim about it he told me that it has a lot to do with diet, especially what North Koreans don’t eat. Like food.”
“I also noticed that North Koreans seem a lot happier than most Americans,” the president continued, “They complain a lot less and don’t ask so many questions, which makes for a much healthier lifestyle. I think we could all learn a lot from North Korea’s example!”
“Now, everyone knows that obesity is nothing more than a ‘liberal’ plot to make America look bad,” Trump went on, “caused by too many ‘liberal‘ helpings at the dinner table. And I should know! So I hope that all good, loyal, patriotic Americans will do the right thing and help me fight against this terrible left-wing conspiracy. After all, the buck stops right here, with me. In my pocket. So make your reservations early!”
The grand-opening is scheduled for April 1st, Trump Celebration Day. The resort will be bordered by the Trump Casino Evil on one end, with Adolph course and gift shop on the other. Seminars and activities will include motivational whipping, forced debt marches, interactive re-education therapy, and “sweat-housing” to the oldies. For a small extra fee you can also have your brain washed, fried and molded.
“It’s a challenging program,” Trump admitted, “but the results will be well worth the effort and expense. And just imagine how many more ‘hot’ chicks we’ll have here in America! I’ll probably get a ‘piece’ prize for it!”
Reservations are now being accepted for this “once-in-a-lifetime all-inclusive multi-star vacation” which Trump boasts will be: “The last resort you’ll ever need!”
- This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: The Great Dicktraitor - May 20, 2020
- ‘Dr. Seuss Prophecies’ Revealed for First Time - May 16, 2020
- This is Your Brain on Aphorisms: Zero Tolerance for Racists - May 11, 2020