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James Israel

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The Humor Times founder/publisher/editor/writer may wear a lot of hats, but he likes it that way. Still, his favorite job is writing fake news articles. He is also a musician and songwriter, who plays guitar, mandolin and harmonica, with several CDs to his credit.

Apr 112017
 
 By , April 11, 2017

‘Whoever supposed we Trumps would be mixing with the ordinary rabble on Easter? Silly people!’ – Melania Trump

News stories in recent days reported that the White House had dropped the ball on the annual Easter Egg Roll, due mostly to the First Lady Melania Trump not being present and handling it.

golden easter egg basket by Melania Trump

Example Easter egg basket presented by First Lady Melania Trump.

However, Ms Trump revealed today that the real reason the event will be so much smaller is that it will be a much more “fashionable” event than usual, with a strict guest list limited to those “of means and decorum.”

The name will also be changed, to be henceforth known as the “Guilded Easter Egg Stroll.” Instead of the usual wooden eggs given out to thousands of eager young participants of all income levels, exquisitely-engraved golden and jeweled Fabergé eggs will be presented to selected young children of “qualified” households.

As a bonus, all the grass in the Easter egg baskets will be from divots dug out by the President’s own golf clubs during his games in Mar-a-Lago. “We’ll have plenty to work with,” said Melania.

Early reports state that the “special children” chosen for the event will be flown in by United Airlines, and that if any “lesser” children or their parents try to board, they will be unceremoniously “re-accommodated” to other, more ordinary Easter Egg hunts. The White House warned that any resulting injuries from forced removals would be the fault of the young passengers, as per United guidelines.

“We will only have a hundred or so participants this year,” said Melania in a rare Washington appearance, at a press conference held in the Rose Garden this morning. “They will be chosen from the biggest donors to my husband’s campaign, and will naturally be well-groomed, beautifully-dressed children of only the highest-earning households in America.

“After all, we’ve got to reward these great families, and keep their spirits high. They are America!”

“If you haven’t figured it out yet,” the First Lady continued, “we Trumps do things differently. With class.”

“That is all,” she said, with a wave of her hand, as she left the podium to catch Air Force One back to New York.

Sean Spicer then appeared, and announced that any press that had not left the grounds within five minutes would be “escorted out” by Trump’s private security. “Unless, of course, you’re with Fox or Brietbart,” he said. “Then you’re welcome to fly with us for a quick round of golf in Mar-a-Lago.”

Jan 202017
 
 By , January 20, 2017
Fake Inauguration Staged in Midst of Fake News Era

Editorial: What America witnessed today was not a legitimate inauguration, but a fake one, for an illegitimate president, the ‘yuuuge’ loser of the popular vote, who gave a fake populist speech. Alleged President Donald Trump’s inauguration speech was riddled with “populist” messages about helping the [more…]

Dec 232016
 
 By , December 23, 2016
Totalitarian Tenets to be Tenaciously Tendered via Trump Tweet

‘Orwellian Obedience is Ordered to be Ordinarily Observed,’ says first Tenet via Trump Tweet. “We’re going to win so much, you’ll get sick of winning,” begins a statement released today by Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s transition team spokesperson and former scarecrow template. “And to win, [more…]

Dec 112016
 
 By , December 11, 2016
Must-Watch Video for All Who Want Fair Elections

Why is Jill Stein leading the recount effort? Who cares? We had all better get on board, and be damn glad someone hopped on this issue in a timely manner. An Amy Goodman interview with Green Party presidential candidate Dr. Jill Stein, who has requested [more…]

Oct 102016
 
 By , October 10, 2016
Election Editorial: Leaky Boat

Plug the leak and get us to shore before we all sink! An election editorial. In my humble opinion, people who say they’re not voting for anyone for president, or will only vote for a third party candidate, are like people aboard a leaky ship [more…]