[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Liz Cheney Offers to Waterboard Trump

Ex-Congresswoman wants to waterboard Trump to ‘get at the truth’ about January 6th.

In a less-publicized section of Liz Cheney’s tell-all expose “Oath and Honor,” the former US Congresswoman explains how she’d personally deal with Donald Trump.

waterboard Trump
Like father, like daughter: Liz Cheney wants to waterboard Trump.

“I’d waterboard him,” she writes. “Donald Trump is, without a doubt, the gravest threat this country has ever faced. And I mean ever! Far greater than Bin Laden ever was, far greater than Lee Harvey Oswald, or Fidel Castro, or Jefferson Davis, or John Wilkes Booth, or Benedict Arnold, or even Hitler himself. And if that doesn’t justify enhanced interrogation techniques, I don’t know what does!

“I think that if I was allowed just five minutes alone with him at an undisclosed location in Guantanamo Bay for a heart-to-heart chat — well, I just think that would go a long way towards helping bring out the real truth about Trump’s involvement in the January 6th insurrection. As a matter of fact, if I’m any judge of character, it might only take ten or fifteen seconds.”

In a later chapter Cheney reveals what she thinks would be the proper punishment for Trump’s many crimes.

“When Trump gets sent to prison — I mean if Trump gets sent to prison, ha-ha– he certainly should not be given a free ride. Hopefully by that time he’ll be financially ruined and completely penniless, and absolutely dependent on the good will of all the people he’s thrown under the bus over the years. Which is to say, he’ll be all alone.

“This will force him to engage in demeaning outsourced manual labor to pay for his keep in prison. Fast-food employment might well be considered. Of course working at McDonald’s would be more of a reward than a punishment, but I think that working at Taco Bell as, say, the toilet cleaning boy, might be entirely appropriate. And we’d even give him three free meals a day of all the tacos he could eat, washed down with plenty of genuine imported Mexican water.

“On the weekends Trump could be locked in a pillory in the prison exercise yard for gala celebrations. The festivities could begin with a “dangerous fruit” throwing contest for the children, followed by a thousand-dollar-a-plate fund-raiser, where participants get to break the plates over Trump’s head. Ten thousand dollar kicks in the ass would also be available. The grand finale could be an auction, with a minimum bid of one hundred thousand dollars, where one lucky lady gets to grab Trump by the bells (sic), and wring them for thirty seconds!”

Ralph Lombard
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