Future News: Thankfully, the country survived, but whatever happened to the cast of the Trump Shit Show?
Ever wonder what happened to that ragtag group of lovable liars who kept us glued to our screens popping Tums for four years? Now that the Trump Shit Show is thankfully behind us, catch up on their fates!
Karoline Leavett
The youngest cast member in The Trump Shit Show and the former White House Press Secretary, Karoline’s super power was the ability to make two opposing lies in one sentence. When asked about the deportation of Abrego Garcia to El Salvador, she said, “It was a clerical error” then, a second later “he was an evil MS-13 mastermind” all without blinking an eye. After the show tanked, Karoline “Own the Libs” Leavett, decided that stoking the dead embers of MAGA was her life’s work and that she would, single-handedly, repopulate the movement by giving birth to 15 kids (Donald, Don, Donny, Dawn, Dawny, etc.) No one knows who their father is. (Wink, wink.)
Pam Bondi
Preparing for the part of Attorney General of the United States, Bondi practiced Hitler’s “The Hammer or the Anvil” speech about achieving power through forceful means in front of her bathroom mirror every morning. A cross between Nurse Hatchett and Henry Kissinger, Bondi was so far right she made Mitch McConnell look like Al Franken. Her favorite line in The Trump Shit Show was “I will only go after the bad guys” an obvious lie because if that were true she’d have to throw herself in jail. When the show ended, she escaped the angry mobs by dressing in drag and reading banned books to little kids at story time in local libraries.
Marc Rubio
Before Rubio sold his soul to the devil, he went head to head with him in the 2016 presidential “debate” that was more like a passive aggressive father and son scream out.
Trump: He has really large ears, the biggest ears I’ve ever seen.
Rubio: Donald is not going to make America great. He’s going to make America orange.
A bit cringe for two grown men running for president but the bar was now so low it hovered somewhere between middle earth and hell. Rubio had spunk and energy then. But soon, realizing he’d never be president, he deflated like a Micky Mouse balloon. When the President announced Rubio’s appointment to Secretary of State, Rubio beamed. But when Trump said, “Now we know who to blame if anything goes wrong”, Rubio’s sad puppy dog face was so heart-breaking, he received several adoption offers. He still dreams of making a comeback although he’s 73 now, stating that “if that Orange asshole can get elected at 78, I’ve got this.”
Stephen Miller
When The Trump Shit Show was canceled, Miller left politics to become an actor. When asked if he had any experience treading the boards, Miller said, “acting is just a synonym for lying” and that his experience as White House Deputy Chief of Staff and Trump’s resident Nazi (nicknamed the Santa Monica Goebbels) was all the training he needed. Tim Burton gave him his first role in his version of Dracula, saying that Miller’s “racist and draconian immigration policies” convinced him that he was perfect for the part. (That and the fact he wouldn’t need hair and make-up.) Miller still doesn’t have to wear a costume to scare the shit out of trick or treaters on Halloween which he says is his “favorite thing ever.”
JD Vance
Even after four seasons on The Trump Shit Show, does anyone know the real JD Vance? Hillbilly or Ivy League snob? Fiction writer or garden variety liar? Trump lover or hater? JD flip flopped like a dying salmon on the hot deck of a mega yacht. He was whatever he needed to be in the moment or whatever you wanted him to be. “They’re eating the cats. They’re eating the dogs” was JD’s brain child and revealed an uncanny knack for advertising. Ad execs are basically grifters in expensive suits so JD was a slam dunk. Now a CEO for big oil in Saudi Arabia, he’s replaced his expensive suits with expensive kaftans.
Elon Musk
Musk was killed off halfway through the show. (Because he’s an asshole.) After being dragged off the White House grounds by the Secret Service, he immediately tried to take over Fox News, a Latvian tech start-up, and several small Eastern European countries who were happy to make him king for cash. But he couldn’t raise the money having lost his vast fortune. (Because he’s an asshole.) When he tried to sell a used SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket to Jeff Bezos, Bezos gave him an Amazon gift card worth $100 that Musk promptly spent on ketamine. Desperate for a sofa to sleep on, he reached out to his 37 children, and every one of them told him to fuck off. (Because he’s an asshole.) Rumor has it he slunk back to South Africa and is now living in the back of an ancient cyber truck parked behind an EV station in Botswana where he lies awake at night mooning for Mars. (And, he’s still an asshole.
Donald Trump
When the Trump Shit Show ended, Donny escaped. Thinking no one would ever look for him there, he phrogged in Joe Biden’s attic for a few years totally missing the Anne Frank irony. Surviving on a diet of Big Macs and fries delivered by Uber Eats he was finally busted when Biden’s cat, Willow, drawn to the fetid aroma of moldy Big Macs and unwashed ex-president, clawed at the door like a starving MAGA supporter. Trump was arrested, found guilty of 1,237 criminal offences, and sent to El Salvador. He spent his last years in a committed relationship with Handsome Bob, a native of Queens, whose deportation to the El Salvador mega-prison was a happy “accident”. Trump was finally laid to rest at 103 much to everyone’s relief because bad people seem to live forever. His grave is deep in the Arctic permafrost, a highly effective option for long-lived, highly hazardous waste. But sadly, as soon as the polar ice caps melt, like the Terminator, he’ll be back.
Bluesky Social.
- The Cast of the Trump Shit Show: Where Are They Now? - May 16, 2025
- Revised Nursery Rhymes for the Toddlers in the Trump Administration - April 9, 2025
- Has Your Country Been Seized by a Tech Billionaire? What to Do During a Coup - February 11, 2025
