[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Meets with Religious Leaders of HATE

Religious leaders host annual “Hot Wings and a Prayer” gathering attended by Trump.

Donald Trump met today with top religious leaders of the controversial Holy Antagonistic Theological Elitist society, or HATE as it’s more commonly known, for their annual “Hot Wings and a Prayer” roundtable discussion and smackdown. The event, held at an undisclosed Hooters location, featured hillbilly-style arm wrestling, bible-thumping ‘longside the head competitions, sing-alongs with dirty disco-dancing Donnie and his all-rural orchestra , as well as a spirited game of “Pin the Tale on the Donkey, Ass!” to wrap-up the day’s festivities.

religious leaders

Trump took the opportunity to assert his own deep personal faith, declaring: “I prays myself, all the time!”

He then presented HATE’s CEO and president,  Reverend Graham Wizard, with the Trump administration’s latest list of revised and abridged biblical passages, to help make them “more accessible and user-friendly in today’s modern world”:

An I for an I, and a me for a me.

Do undo others.

Judge not, lest ye be judged, liberal assholes!

Can a leopard change his spots, and if not where can he launder them?

Let him who is without sense off the hook.

Eat, drink and be scary.

For everything there is a treason.

Ye shall not eat of the forbidden fruit, unless you’re a Trump platinum member.

He who lives by the sword should be allowed to cut a deal.

Pride goeth before the fall. In the late summer, I think.

Money is the fruit of all evil.

Be where false profits.

I’m innocent and whitewash my hands of any responsibility.

…and (instead of “Believe in me”)…

Believe me!

Ralph Lombard