Signs Your Doctor Graduated at the Bottom of His Class
Your doctor uses Craigslist as a source for donor organs. Instead of having an antiseptic smell, the office has a provolone smell. Your psychiatrist wears a white coat … Read more
Ed O'Neill
Phone-a-Friend Option Included in Trump’s Latest Debate Requests
The former president has proposed a few new debate wrinkles, including a “phone-a-friend” option. Mar-a-Lago — Former president Donald Trump has petitioned the Commission on Presidential Debates to … Read more
Trump Opens Pop-Up Gift Shop in Arlington Cemetery
Gift shop offered attendees a chance to “memorialize their stroll through these hallowed acres with a reasonably priced MAGA” goods. Arlington, VA — Former president Donald Trump’s recent … Read more
Two More Couches Accuse Vance of Sexual Abuse
Trouble for JD Vance, as more couches have come forward with accusations of “unwanted sexual advances.” Akron, OH — Two more couches have come forward with accusations of … Read more
Trump Expected to Declare Victory by Labor Day
Former president Donald Trump is planning to declare victory early again, but in plenty of time this go-around. Mar-a-Lago – Former president Donald Trump is planning to declare … Read more
Hannibal Lecter Stumps for Harris: ‘I’m insane, not crazy!’
“I don’t know how I got involved,” Hannibal Lecter says, “but I’d never vote for that sleazeball Trump.” Harrisburg, PA. — Donald Trump has referenced the name Hannibal … Read more
Beverly Hillbillies File Lawsuit Against J.D. Vance: ‘He makes us look stupid’
Jed Clampett of Beverly Hillbillies fame aims to set the record straight, saying hillbillies are much smarter than J.D. Vance. Beverly Hillbillies Estate, Beverly Hills, CA — Local … Read more
Local Adult Baby Earns Spot on Olympic Whining Team
The adult baby had only one serious competitor, fellow Floridian Donald Trump, with his “Witch Hunt” routine. SARASOTA, FL — In the end, it was Stuart Walters’ floor … Read more
