Fauci, Newly Retired, at Breakfast - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

Dr. Anthony Fauci takes his medicine, now newly retired. Here he is as everyman, enjoying his first work-free week with the wife!

Dr. Fauci is newly retired this month, with time on his hands after over 50 years of public service working with HIV/Aids & Covid 19 & many U.S. Presidents, including the infamous ‘Chloroquine Trump’!

At home with the Faucis

MRS. FAUCI

I’m telling you – you snore!

DR. FAUCI

It’s a deviated septum.

MRS. FAUCI

And, the farting?

DR. FAUCI

I don’t hear it.

MRS. FAUCI

That’s right, you don’t wear your hearing aids to bed.

DR. FAUCI

Does your nose ever itch?

MRS. FAUCI

Must be the asparagus you ate last night.

DR. FAUCI

Ah hah – that explains the fragrance in the toilet bowl this morning.

MRS. FAUCI

Did you wash your hands after you went?

DR. FAUCI

Are you kidding – I wear rubber gloves to hold Dickie.

MRS. FAUCI

You haven’t called it that since our Honeymoon. It needs a new name.

DR. FAUCI

Ralph – I always liked that name.

MRS. FAUCI

That’s our Butcher – he had his thumb on the scale.

DR. FAUCI

And, that’s why you don’t want my Dickie to have his name?

MRS. FAUCI

I don’t want to spend breakfast talking about your Dickie! Go get me some macaroni for tonight.

DR. FAUCI

We had macaroni last night.

MRS. FAUCI

You can’t even remember what you ate – go take a walk, it’ll help your bowels.

DR. FAUCI

Now, I’m sorry I told you.

MRS. FAUCI

And eat roughage.

DR. FAUCI (under his breath)

Trump wasn’t this bad!

Could you pass the salt – my arm is stiff & when I stand up my hip makes a clicking sound.

MRS. FAUCI

When you were working, you never complained!

DR. FAUCI

I saved it up.

MRS. FAUCI

Is this going to be my life?

DR. FAUCI

If you don’t wanna listen – Mrs. Big Buzooms next door always has a smile for me.

MRS. FAUCI

When can you leave?

DR. FAUCI (under his breath)

Oh boy, is my life over!

MRS. FAUCI

What did you say?

DR. FAUCI

I said, I think I’ll go play with Ralph!

MRS. FAUCI

You know what – go get me some macaroni!

C’mon now folks! Everybody knows Ralph was a Golfer too! haha

For more laughs, check out one of my favorite 2020 vintage articles, Dr. Anthony Fauci — Our Little Old Italian Shoe Cobbler.

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha